I Do Not Have HBO.

I just don't. I'm not morally opposed to it or anything. I have Verizon FiOS with 10 gazillion basic-cable type channel, chock full of kids channels in the low-200s (Noggin, Sprout, Playhouse Disney, etc.). Gobs of sports. Generic movies. About 70 music channels. (It's like radio! But on TV! Without music videos!) Sci Fi. BBC America. Gay. Westerns. Womens. Comedy.

But I have never seen an episode of Sex in the City. Or the Sopranos. Or Six Feet Under. Or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Or Entourage. My parents seem to have some sort of "only HBO" cable system, because whenever we speak they always ask me if I'm seen the last episode of some show or other, and I always respond, "No. I don't get HBO."

I think the news reporters must have the same cable package my parents do, because whenever there's a TV show headline, its about some HBO show I haven't seen.

Maybe I need to find a new media outlet. Something with headlines like "Suspense builds over whether Fuffa will eat the cookie she found on the ground in new Yo Gabba Gabba" or "Dora or Diego? Four year olds sound off!" (The Raggirls seem to have decided that Dora is for little kids, and they now prefer Diego. As far as I can tell, the shows are identical.)

My media consumption, meanwhile, is substantially constrained by my failure to care about what is happening on HBO.