Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Green Arrow/ Black Canary -- The Year of Suck

Okay, so I've read a full year of Green Arrow/ Black Canary, and can I just say that it was the most convoluted piece of crap I have ever read?

I mean, I really like Black Canary. I also really like Green Arrow. (But, you know, just as a friend. I think Black Canary's decision to marry him is idiotic.)

But, as far as I can determine, this is what happened:

#1. Everyone thinks that Green Arrow is dead, because Black Canary killed him on their wedding night. In fact, Green Arrow is not dead, but has been kidnapped while Everyman took his place. Nobody knows this except for Green Arrow, his kidnappers, and -- of course -- Dr. Sivana.

#2. Green Arrow has actually been kidnapped by the Amazons and taken to Paradise Island. Why? It's not exactly clear. Because Granny Goodness wants her to train her new Female Furies? But that's HER job. What makes her think that Dinah could do it better than she could? And, more importantly, what makes her think that kidnapping Ollie would increase her likelihood of helping?

The whole plot to this point has the whiff of the underpants gnomes: (1) Steal Green Arrow; (2) ???; (3) Profit!

3. Anyway, Countdown tie-in checked off, the Gang of Four (GA, BC, Speedy, and Connor) leave the island when Connor is shot from a space ship. He was shot because, of course, Dr. Sivana wanted Green Arrow dead, and the assassins missed. Why? Perhaps he got advise from a rival group of underwear gnomes. Why did they wait until Ollie has escaped, and not shoot him when he was stationary in an open-air cage on Paradise Island? We don't know.

4. Connor's life is saved by Superman, but he is in a persistent vegetative state after Green Lantern is done operating. Did the space laser steal his soul? One might have imagined, but since the goal was to "Kill Green Arrow," you really wouldn't need to laser with the soul-sucker attachment.

5. Then, although the original goal was "Dead Ollie," there is soon after a plan to "kidnap Connor's body." Why? To make him a zombie, of course. Although we don't find that out until we also rescue Plastic Man, in a plot twist too tangential for this post.

6. There is then a lot of fighting with the League of Assassins, until it turns out that was all just a big misunderstanding. Oops. That part of stupid, but actually made internal sense. Shado was pretending to be Ras al Ghul. Got it.

7. Apparently, the only known cure for persistent vegetative states is for Dr. Sivana to turn you into a zombie, and then stop Dr. Sivana from turning you into a zombie. My thought was that you'd just stop being a zombie and go back to your vegetative state. But apparently not. Who knew?

It seems obvious to me that this started out going one place, and then half-way through someone said, "Hey, you can't have the bad guy be X! Change it!" And then they changed it on the fly, and through in a half-assed plot twist to explain it. Very, very disappointing.

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