Nine Stupid Questions About DCU: Last Will and Testament

A continuing series in which I embarrass myself by asking stupid questions, so that you don't have to!

1. So, if I understand correctly (and I might not!) Final Crisis #3 ends with the Anti-Life Virus released, so that soon everyone will turn into a "Darkseid Zombie for Libra" when they open their e-mails. How, exactly, is this the Last Night Before We All Die? Does Geo-Force know he's going to have to check his e-mail as some point? Shouldn't they be out fighting Zombies or something?

2. Wasn't Batman captured in Final Crisis and taken into outer space. Why is he out "swinging" with Robin and Nightwing?

3. Wasn't Superman "Beyond" in Final Crisis? Why is he chatting with Pa Kent in Smallville?

4. Wasn't Hal Jordan arrested and standing trial for an attack on John Stewart? Why is he hanging out with Wally?

5. Isn't Wonder Woman already a mindless Zombie? Why is she in a graveyard with Donna?

6. Is this Geo-Force story just the story that Meltzer was building up to during his run of Justice League, but never got the finish, and not really a "Final Crisis" story at all?

7. What was the significance of Beast Boy's Bible being in Rocky's confessional?

8. How long is "DCU Years" has in been between the death of Terra in the early 1980s and Geo-Force's plan for revenge in 2008?

9. What is Geo-Force's name in Markovia, and what does it really mean?

8 Stupid Questions About Final Crisis #1

[If you are one of the four people who read my blog, you know that I don't give spoiler warnings or anything, and you should just assume I am spoiling your book. The same goes here.]

1. Okay, so for those of us who read Countdown and the Death of the Fourth World stuff, Lightray dies in Countdown 51, and everyone else dies over the next year, except for Orion who kills Darkseid. So every single one of the new gods is dead except for Orion, who is on the verge of death after killing his father. So when they find Orion in a dumpster, suddenly its deicide and the Alpha Lanterns show up and its a big deal? Does everyone already know that he died because of his fight with Darkseid? Investigating now has a little bit of a horse/barn door quality to it. Why wasn't Lightray a Code 1011?

2. Speaking of which, is it relevant that the "1011 in Progress" occurs on pages 10 and 11?

3. From consecutive panels: "But consider his youth, Prime Monitor Tahoteh!" and "We are multiversal monitors, ancient and wise!" How can the monitors be both all be "ancient," and different ages so that some are "youths"?

4. Is Weeja Dell the Smurfette monitor (the only female Monitor?) Is she the only female Monitor for the sole purpose of allowing them to have an inter-Monitor heterosexual love story?

5. So, I understand why The Human Flame (and the others) need Libra, but why, exactly, does Libra need the Human Flame?

6. So, is Anthro supposed to be Charlton Heston from Planet of the Apes or what?

7. "Justice League Condition Amber?"

8. Who's that guy on the last page?

Stupid Questions #0: The DC Universe #0 Edition

1. Aren't the rogues all about to be turned into Parademons programmed to serve evil Darkseid, who -- by the way -- is dead? How are they all hanging out with Mr. Zodiac Guy?

2. How much of the Legion of Superheroes do I have to know to follow this Superman plot line? I know some early 1960s stuff, and I read the first few (pre-Supergirl) trades of the new series, and I had no idea what I was supposed to be getting out of that.

3. If we hadn't been spoiled by the newspaper articles, was it obvious that Barry Allen was back, rather than, say Bart? Or Max Mercury? (Is Max Mercury dead?)

4. How, exactly, did Barry Allen die? Was it from running to fast? Was it the anti-matter cannon? How did he die in such a way that everyone kept seeing him? I never really understood that.

5. "Someone is trying to kill Batman" is a plot line? I thought that was the entire basis of the series.

6. Isn't the point of a 50 cent comic to encourage people to read what comes next by providing an interesting story, rather than by providing something so confusing that you need to read the rest to try to figure out what the heck you just read?

Stupid Question #8

Is young, hip, skinny Etta hopping around Khund planet with Wonder Woman still married to Steve Trevor like she was back in WW v.2? Steve was still pretty "mature" back WW #1. Have they gone from peers to a May/December romance due to assymetrical aging? Or is new-Etta single again, or perhaps a different person entirely (cousins . . . identical cousins . . .)

Also, why has there never been a Steve Trevor/ Hal Jordan team-up? Do they even know each other from their respective Air Force days? Those two seem like potential best friends who haven't met.

Anyway, the Green Latern at the end of WW#18 played all sorts of combinations in my head. While Hal and Steve are having a guys night out, Etta is confronted by Star Sapphire . . .

Stupid Questions #7

"Superstar writer Joe Kelly concludes his SUPERGIRL run with a grueling fight between Supergirl and Superman! Is the only way to save the universe to kill the Man of Steel?"

Did someone put the wrong story behind this cover, because I don't think that's what happened in my copy.

Stupid Questions #6

Who are the 33,000 people who are buying Justice League -- but not Justice Society -- during their crossover? Are some of them among the 11,000 people who are buying Outsiders, but not Checkmate during their crossover?

When these people purchase books, do they often choose to read only the odd-numbered chapters?

When a book you buy has a clearly labelled crossover, do you ever choose not to buy the half of the story that is in the other book? If so, does the story still make sense?

Stupid Questions #5: Wonder Woman 9 Edition

1. Is this supposed to follow directly from Amazons Attack #1? If so, why doesn't Diana meet "mom" in the same place?

2. The Book was labeled "Part Four." Other than WW#8 and AA#1, what was Part Three?

3. Everyman was the title character of a Middle Ages play. Willie Loman was a kind of everyman- character is Death of a Salesman, but naming oneself Everyman shouldn't really open yourself up to lots of Willie Loman jokes, should it?

4. How did Hippolyte and a dozen Amazons end up on the roof with Circe and Diana without anyone noticing?

5. Does Wonder Woman doubt that Hippolyte is her mother because she is warlike, or because she is so gullible?

6. Did Nemesis really think that he could lock up a shape-shifter the way he did? Shouldn't he know better?

7. How come the best parts of this issue were the parts without Diana in them? Is this book turning into (wonder-woman-presents) NEMESIS!!! ?

Stupid Questions #4

So, when you've got a character like Starman or Donna Troy or Ion whose got one of those costumes with a star-field on it, is her costume just a black costume with white dots on it, or do the stars move when you are looking at her like you are looking out into space?

If they are actually in space, do the stars behind them camouflage them or what?

Stupid Questions #3

Asking the really stupid questions so you don't have to!

A: Superman, Catwoman, Batgirl, Superboy, Aqualad

B: Plastic Man, Wonder Woman, Power Girl, Ultra Boy, Lightning Lad

Is there a rule on when the gender identity is joined with the rest of the name, and when it is separate?

Stupid Questions #2

#2 is a series of questions that are either too stupid for anyone else to ask because they all know the answer, or else everyone ELSE thinks their too stupid, so are not asking, even though they don't know either:



Is The Ray White when he's out of costume and Black when he's in costume, or is it just a differential lighting thing?

Has any superhero ever had a secret identity that was a different race from his superhero identity?

"Can Someone Explain This Ziggy For Me?"

Okay, so maybe I am about to out myself as a complete moron, but I can't for the life of me figure out what's going on in Teen Titans. There is a certain "Emperor's New Clothes" mentality that prevents one from seeking assistance in deciphering a comic book geared toward young readers. But, then, I've never been self-conscious about pointing out my ignorance. Perhaps someone who is wise in the ways of kid-oriented comics can help me figure it out.

1. Why is Raven trying to bring Jericho back to life?

2. Why is Raven trying to bring Jericho back to life without clearing it with Rose first?

3. Why is Bombshell trying to kill Jericho?

4. Why is Bombshell trying to kill Jericho before Jericho is even brought back to life?

5. How did Raven know that Bombshell was a traitor?

6. What, exactly, made Bombshell a traitor? That she was trying to kill Jericho before he came back to life?

7. What was the deal with the missing book?

8. How come Bombshell thought that Jericho's father hired her to kill him, when in reality Jericho's father hired someone else to un-kill him? Seems like an odd sort of mix-up.

And to get it up to 10 Questions, a couple of Imponderables:

9. When a race, such as the "Martians" are all shape-shifters who can change both their form and their color, what sense does it make to divide them into "White Martians" and "Green Martians"? Aren't they all potentially White OR Green?

10. Wasn't one of the points of Infinite Crisis that the doors between life and death were supposed to be shut tighter? That didn't last long.