Things I learned from Amazons Attack

1. It IS possible in a six-issue mini-series to have more than six "Final Confrontations" between Diana and Hippolyta.

2. Zatanna and her mind-wipes are superfluous now that we have targeted killer wasp stings to erase knowledge of secret identities. Personally, I was hoping for a reversion to Superman-movie era Amnesia Inducing Kisses, but we can't have everything.

3. Amnesia works not just for revealed secrets, but for things that you easily figured out on your own.

4. If you dress up like another character, you get to use all of her powers also.

5. Four magical shape-shifters in one mini-series is two too many.

6. Although it would have been fun if they all pretended to be Sgt. Steel at the same time.

7. Wasn't Donna Troy off searching for Diana at some point in the middle there? Did she just get a case of ADD and forget all about the war?

8. Apparently that Lazarus-Pit crazy-making thing happens to you even if you are re-incarnated some other way.

Live and learn.

Fixing Boo Boos (Wonder Woman #11)

So, you know how you're sometimes on the phone or in a meeting at your home, discussing important business, and you suddenly have to drop everything and maybe risk the entire deal because one of your kids scraped her knee, or something?

Best I can figure, Diana was pulled out of peace negotiations with the Amazons because Tom got a bee sting and needed Diana to kiss it for him.

Thousands may die needlessly, but priorities are priorities. Kill the civilians, but by all means retrieve the Holy Calamine Lotion!

Amazons

Maybe you've been thinking recently about Amazons, and how the peace-loving women of Paradise Island could attack in the new mini-series, "Amazons Attack." I mean, they lived separately for years, and they didn't attack any of the other times that the world almost got blown up, or Wonder Woman got killed or captured or depowered, or the OMACs attacked.

Apparently, they are now all really, really evil. Not just the leaders, but all of them. Evil evil evil.

Bad, bad Amazons.

I mean, sure, they Attack and everything. That's why it's called "Amazons Attack." Why are they attacking, though? And why are they killing innocent Asian bystanders?

Only possible solution I can think of . . . Bad, Evil, Man-Hating Amazons.

So, with only five issues left to find out I've come up with six possible working theories.

1. Industrial strength mind-control drug mixed into the Paradise Island drinking water.

2. These bitches just need to get laid.

3. We are on Opposite World, and Washington D.C. will soon be saved by Bizarro Superman.

4. Feminazis. They have always been feminazis. You knew it. I knew it. We all knew this was going to happen eventually.

5. We all know this is what Andrea Dworkin would have really wanted, if she were still alive.

6. DC didn't think it could sell 6 issues of "Amazons Fight a Defensive War at Home."

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EDIT: Crap, how could I have forgotten:

7. PMS. The Amazons' war will end in a week after their synchronized menstrual cycles have moved on. Actually, thinking about this -- did Black Adam have PMS?

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I figure it's got to some combination of those six. Or, you know, maybe all of them.