"Cosmic Odyssey": Bad Comic, or The WORST Comic?

With the news that John Stewart is going to be back on the big-boys' team and that Jim Starlin is going to be writing "Death of the New Gods," plus John Stewart's clear statement in Green Lantern #23 that Cosmic Odyssey is still in continuity (see panel above), I thought I would look back on the 1987 mini-series about Darkseid & Co., featuring John Stewart, and ask the question: "Was this the worst thing written, ever?"

The answer is probably "No." But, I can't think of anything worse offhand.

A summary, for those not familiar, is that Metron appears to have accidentally put the entire universe at risk by allowing four "anti-life entities" to enter our universe. Each is attempting to destroy a different planet, and if any TWO are destroyed, the galaxy will collapse. Eight heroes are called to intervene, with two sent to each of the two planets. Meanwhile, Darkseid schemes. That's about it, really.

I will present this critique in the form of a totally imaginary, fictional dialogue with the creators of Cosmic Odyssey, in which I begin by accusing them of being stinky racist fatheads (by which I do not intend to denigrate individuals with actual fat heads). The dialogue will descend from there. Fictional responses will be written in boldface.

Hello, creators of Cosmic Odyssey, you are big stink racist fatheads.

I'm Not a Racist! I don't care if the guy is Black, White, or Green, as long as he's the best one for the job!

Okay, but apparently the Black and the Green guys weren't the best ones for the jobs, because when you are creating four pairs of heroes, the only pair that fails is John Stewart and J'onn J'onzz -- the Black Guy and the Green Guy. The three pairs of Caucasian-esque heroes were all successfull.

Um . . . Forager isn't white!

This is true. He is Orange, and is thus "indeterminate" in my version of the inter-galactic racial ID test (I.e., would the character be played by a white guy in the movie?) Starfire would get played by a white woman. Superman, Batman, Orion, and Lightray also white guys. Forager is kind of iffy.

But, since Forager's the only one of the eight to end up dead, I don't think putting him on the "diversity squad" helps you any.

But John Stewart is actually the tragic hero here. He grows through his experience.

Only because you shrunk him so small to begin with by turning him into a total moron! By the way, check out the White Teeth on that Negro! Is he, perchance, holding a watermelon and wearing tap shoes off-panel?



Yeah, I guess we have no excuse for the teeth.

Okay, now let's move on the extreme predictability. Here's a single panel, showing four targets of the anti-life entities.



Earth, Rann, Thanagar, and Xanshi are the targets. We know that if any TWO are destroyed, the Milky Way galaxy will all collapse. That means that it's okay if ONE is destroyed, and we also know that that one won't be Earth, Rann, or Thanagar, all of which are repeat players in DC comics.

Looking at this panel, it is clear that Earth, Rann, and Thanagar are Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, while the entire planet of Xanshi is wearing a red shirt.

It's wasn't THAT obvious, was it?

Maybe not if you had sent Superman and Orion there. But you send the black guy and the green guy, and, well . . .



Note that the Green Lantern #23 version of this panel omits the fact that the Anti-Life Entity on Xanshi is the spitting image of my local comic book store owner. I cannot see him now without wondering whether he is painting a bomb yellow in order to destroy the Earth.

Anyway, Let's move on to the aftermath. When your partner has just screwed up so much that an entire planet has been destroyed, which is the best way to respond:

A. Overt Melodrama and Over-Personalization?



B. Adolescent Temper Tantrum?



C. Incitement to Suicide?



J'onn, apparently, goes with (D) All of the Above.

But J'onn is also developing as a character here.

Did any of the white guys go through character development, or were they all perfect from the beginning?

Um . . . Orion, maybe?

Maybe that's some off-panel development going on. But, yeah, Batman can sure develop a person's character in a hurry. This was by far the best panel in the mini-series:



On the other hand, there can be no excuse for this:



"So sue me"!? There is no way that Batman even THINKS "so sue me."

You are right. Batman would never even think "So sue me."

Or this. Besides the "So sue me," Batman does not get obvious objective facts wrong.



ALICE says "Curiouser and curiouser." The Caterpillar says, "Who are you?" That's too obvious for even Robin to screw up!

Now, let's point out some other problems with the comic. Let's say that you are going to start a dramatic countdown, where at the end nothing actually happens. Where's a good place to start? Three? Seven? Ten? Fifty-Two? Let's take a look:



Yes, you in fact started the Countdown at 118, and used up two whole pages of the comic book on it. Is that a good use of resources?

Um, I guess I see your point. Well, okay, we may be stupid and racist, but at least we weren't sexist.

That is true. You were as non-sexist as you could be in a comic strip in which, of the ten or eleven main characters, only one of them (Starfire) was female. Starfire was relatively kickass, and saves Adam Strange's behind repeatedly, but we will leave it to the reader to determine whether one quality female portrayal in a huge-cast mini-series is enough to compensate for the otherwise entirely male universe.


*****

Okay, that ends my fictional interview with the creators of Cosmic Odyssey, so now you can decide -- bad comic, or the WORST comic?

Coming in from the Racial Snowstorm (52 #38, Cover Date 1/24/07)

Characters

Main Heroes: Renee Montoya, Will Magnus
Minor Heroes: The Question, Steel, Natasha Irons, Dr. Midnite

Main Villians: Chang Tzu
Minor Villains: The Mad Scientists

P'Shat

The majority of this week's installment revolves around Renee's desperate attempt to get Charlie back to Nanda Parbat before he dies. This involves lots of pulling of a sled through the Himalayan wilderness and low moaning from Charlie. semi-cryptic discussion of butterflies, and a last second reprieve as Nanda Parbat is revealed from the midsts of the white wasteland.

In other news, Chang Tzu reveals that the scientists have recreated the four horesemen of the apocolypse using the "Revelation of Apokalips", a blueprint provided in the Bible of Crime. War, Death, and Pestilence are introduced, but Famine seems to have ridden out earlier.

Also, Steel and Dr. Midnite briefly examine an Everyman corpse, and consider how wise it is to storm Luthor's facility. They are interrupted by Natasha, who has come to her senses and is now working for the good guys from the inside.



Drash


After answering the burning "Who is Supernova" mystery last week -- it turns out that he was secretly Basil Exposition from Austin Powers -- things settled down to a more leisurely pace in Week 38. Of the 20 pages of story (not including the "Origins of Red Tornado"), 13 pages take place wondering in the white wasteland with Montoya, 5 are in Oolong Island with the scientists, and only 2 are with Steel in Metropolis. (No word from space, Ralph, or Skeets this week).

And speaking of coming in from the White Wastelands, I have been impressed with all the rehabilitations of racist stereotypes so far this year. I talked about Ebony before, but, really, if I were going to guess the "least likely to be rehabilitated", it would have to have been the evil Emperor "Egg Fu" (pictured above in all of his non-P.C. glory in his original "Wonder Woman" days.) Now renamed Chang Tzu, I have almost completely forgotten that he was previously named after a menu item from Peking Duck House, despite still being shaped like one of its ingredients.

Chang Tzu, by the way, far from being "One from Column A", was a Taoist philosopher, most famous for stating, "I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man." This ties in very well with Charlie's rantings about butterflies on the Himalayan pages, and I wonder whether or not it was intentional.

I think everyone reading "52" has a favorite thread, and are disappointed when it doesn't appear. For me, the Chang Tzu quote reminds me of my favorite character thread who was absent this week -- Ralph Dibney. The "Helmet of Fate" mini is making me think less and less that Ralph is "really" wandering around with the Helmet. That leaves me to think he is either complete insane, or -- what I think is more likely -- that he's having a Jacob's Ladder/ Donnie Darko moment.

Playing 52 Pick-Up with Racism (The Spirit #1: Cover Dated February 2007)

Characters

Main Heroes: The Spirit, Ginger Coffee
Minor Hero: Ebony, Mr. Wang

Major Villains: The Pill

P'Shat

National Network News Anchor Ginger Coffee has just been kidnapped live and on-air by masked gunmen believed to be working for "The Pill" -- crime lord Amos Weinstock -- upon whom Coffee had planned an expose linking him to various crimes. The gunmen are holding Coffee in an abandoned building where they are met by The Pill and Mr. Wang. After the crime lord departs, The Spirit makes his first appearance, breaking throug the upholstery of his car.

The Pill asks Coffee about her informant, but already knows it is Mr. Wang, whom the Pill kills/dissolves/melts/whatever with his blobby hands. As Coffee tries to run, the Spirit makes his move, and effects a rescue of Coffee, climbing first onto the roof, and later into the sewer system.

Coffee calls the TV station and leaves her phone on so that they can hear her daring escape. The broadcast makes rivetting television, but it lets everyone -- cops and robbers -- know where they are. Witty banter ensues until The Spirit discovers the cell phone. Caught between The Pill and a rogue cop, The Spirit and Coffee are saved at the last minute by Ebony, who swerves between them in his cab for the rescue.

Drash

There are certain issues which face any re-launch of a racially insensitive work. In the Spirit, the issue was what to do about that person in the lower right hand corner below.




That's Ebony, and on one hand he was a trailblazer -- the first major black sidekick in an inter-racial crime fighting comic book team. On the other hand -- well, the other hand is pretty obvious. Just look at him. Among the unresolved issues was whether he was a "man" or a "boy". At a time when grown black men could be called "boy", it didn't really make a difference. He was short and boyish, but he could also drive the getaway car.

So, let's posit (without concluding) that Ebony was a racial step forward for 1940, and a racial embarrassment for 2007. What do you do with him now for The Spirit, V.2?

Well, the first thing you do is you get 20 pages into the story mixing the racial pot so much that you don't remember which stereotype is which. Consider:

Ginger Coffee: Obvious racially-charged "colorful" name for a light-skinned black woman with almond-shaped eyes, given a powerful job, and not any hugely glaring black stereotypes or female stereotypes -- but a huge "reporter stereotype". She'll "do anything to get the story", including leaving her cell-phone on, talking in reporter-speak to broadcast her own rescue, putting herself and everyone around her at risk. It's a trite stock-character, but not an offensive one.

The Pill: Amos Weinstock. Plays on Bugsy Siegel/ Meyer Lansky Jewish-gangster stereotype that was big back when the original Spirit was published, but has lost its relevance now. There is even "stock footage" of Weinstock showed on a news broadcast of him in Cuba. Havana was a popular hang-out for gangsters (both Jewish and otherwise) in the 1950s. The Godfather has a scene set in Cuba feature Moe Greene, based in part on Bugsy Siegel, but was set before the Communist revolution. The "Cuba" footage is likely an homage to either the Godfather or that upon which the Godfather is based, but it is certainly an anachronism if The Spirit is supposed to be set in the modern day (as a black news anchor would imply). Gangsters stopped going to Cuba when Castro took over.

But The Pill himself is physically verging on pustulent albino -- skin nearly indistinguishable from his chalk-white suit. It is a disgusting display of Caucasian-ness gone awry.

Mr. Wang: Asian gangster, employee of The Pill turned informant. Good guy? Bad guy? He doesn't last long enough to find out.

The Spirit: Sure, he's a white guy , and a good guy, back when that was the unbroken norm. But here we get an explicit play on being "raceless"-- as a white man is perceived to be in America:

Coffee: So what's with all the drama? I mean, the hat and mask don't hide much . . . Is it how you get your freak on?

The Spirit: *Sigh* (covering Coffee's eyes) Describe me.

Coffee: Rigggght. I get it. You're a big blue average with a distraction stuck to his face.

See? He's not "a white guy". He's the incredible raceless wonder. The invisible man. Oliver Queen's mask doesn't disguise anything, because of the distinguishing facial hair, etc. The Spirit, though, is "generic man" -- brown hair, blue suit. It's confirming the "raceless" stereotype by drawing attention to it, and the fact that it works, without succumbing to it.

So, this is all in prelude to:

Ebony.

He is drawn to look about 20 years old, and maybe five feet tall. No facial hair. Young, but not childish. Ginger Coffee addresses him first upon being rescued in his cab:

Coffee: Now who is this snack-sized Nubian savior?

Ebony: Name's Ebony.

Coffee: Ebony? You're playin' me right? I mean, when you get home, do you stand on this guy's lawn with a lantern, or what?

Spirit: No, it's Tuesday. I stand on his lawn tonight. Geez, Eb, I'm sorry --

Ebony: I ain't shook. Besides . . This one's friendlier than your usual dates.

So, we have a black character pointing out, "Yes your sidekick appears to be an extreme racial stereotype". The one white character in the car jumps to his defense, and together they insult her in gender-specific terms.

So, we are left with a question. Is the book racist and sexist? Or is it a non-racist, non-sexist book ABOUT racism and sexism? I can see it both ways, and it will be interesting to see where it goes from there. Ebony and a dozen caucasians in every issue, or will playing with stereotypes become a feature instead of a bug? Given the baggage that The Spirit -- and the character of Ebony in particular -- comes with, this is probably the best outcome imaginable for Issue #1.

Please Shove Something Up My Ass While I Shoot You (Seven Brothers #3)

Characters:

Main Heroes: Rachel Kai, The Seven Brothers
Main Villain: The Son of Hell, Zheng

P'Shat

At the end of issue #2, the "Seven Brothers" have been informed by protagonist Rachel Kai that they are all -- despite their different nationalities -- Brothers. Hundreds of years earlier, a Chinese sorcerer's apprentice named Fong travelled the world with the Chinese fleet, seducing (raping?) women in each port of call. These seven men are all lineal descendants of Fong, and have been imbued through ancestry with various magical gifts. At the end of issue #2, the Son of Hell (whom Fong was apprenticed to, and whom he eventually destroyed) has been brought back to life.

The Seven Brothers begin this episode spying on the Son of Hell (via a Brother who can see across any distance) who has taken over the body of a businessman. The Son of Hell is instructing his assassin servant Zheng about his needs -- primarily bodyguard services. Meanwhile, the Son of Hell is supervising the placement of a number of magical stones that will give him ultimate power and -- not coincidentally -- destroy the world.

As Rachel the Seven Brothers approach "Donald International" -- corporate home of the Son of Hell's host -- they are approached by Zheng who promptly kills them all.

Drash

Rachel Kai is, without a doubt, the most kick-ass new superhero concept I have seen in a long time. I have absolutely no complaints that there is only one female in the book, because she's really been used as 50% of the "good guy" cast, with the "Seven Brothers" as her single partner. And, I have no complaints at all about Rachel herself. She is awesome. Here is a scene from Seven Brother's #1 that gives a taste of her powers:

Rachel: This man obviously presents no threat to you or your business. Why not simply let him go?

Pimp: Why the [profanity deleted] you think you getting out without suckin' [lots of profanity deleted]?

Rachel: Because of what I did thirty seconds ago. . . .

Pimp: Thirty muthafuckin'. What the fuck?! I am gonna . . .

Rachel: Then on your own head be it. First I broke your leg. Then I broke your nose. Then I kicked you harder than I had intended. Do you remember?

The Pimp first acts like she's crazy, then slowly the memories come to him, and he collapses as if the fight actually happened. It's unclear if her powers involved time travel, or mental suggestion, or what. It doesn't really matter. Rachel is just completely kick-ass. Later on, Ronald (the Brother she saved from the pimp) is talking to another Brother.

There is thus no doubt, Rachel Kai is the shit. I am not really concerned that she was "killed" at the end of Issue #3, along with everyone else. Assumedly, this will turn out to be one of Ronald's vivid-realistic-future-telling dreams or something like that. What bothers me is that she is depicted on the cover as, essentially, an ass. Not a metaphoric ass, but a . . . well, you can see for yourself.

Her powers are not based on contortionist gunslinging. She is not portrayed at all as a sexual creature in the story itself, and she has no patience for those who do see her as such. If Rachel ran into the cover artist in a dark alley, it is clear what she would have said to him:

But, unfortunately, she didn't. So we are stuck for all time with that unfortunate cover image of an absolutely awesome character.

Mega-rod! Mega-rod! Mega-rod! (Birds of Prey #101, Cover Date Feb. 07)

Characters:

Main Heroes: Oracle, Barda, Huntress, Zinda, Judomaster, Manhunter

Main Villain: Spy Smasher

P'Shat

Having freed to mob boss's daughter from the Mexican prison, Zinda flies the group North, where they are intercepted by U.S. fighter planes while still in Mexican airspace. After a fight scene between Barda and various aircraft, Zinda's helicopter is blown out of the sky. Saved at the last minute by Barda's boom tube, they take a limo to turn over the mob boss, but are instead arrested by the agents. Meanwhile, Manhunter is off on her own trying to free another group of prisoners -- the "real" targets -- and Oracle is meeting with Lois Lane with Misfit in charge.

Drash

Repeated usage of the word "Mega-Rod" cures a lot of ills, but this story isn't really keeping it's plot twists in line. If the secret plan was to make it look like the Birds of Prey had been killed so they wouldn't be followed, why are they risking Barda going off to fight to planes? Did she not know the "secret plan" that she was a part of? Isn't is only supposed to be secret from the bad guys? But Spy Smasher tells Oracle that all of her agents will be dead or in jail within 48 hours, and promptly has the "dead" Birds arrested, so she apparently wasn't fooled either. What the heck kind of secret plan fools Zinda, but not Spy Smasher?

Meanwhile, while the cover shows Manhunter being arrested by armed agents, the issue actually ends with everyone BUT Manhunter being arrested. Kate is just off fighting Miguel, a large shirtless Mexican who apparently is always on call for the prison's shirtless- fighting-Mexican needs.

But, hey, at the Mexicans actually have some Hispanics on staff. The All-Caucasian Birds remain in all-White mode.

To The Victor Went The Spoils (Checkmate #5, Cover Date October, 2006)

I have been thinking about the (lack of) diversity in the new Birds of Prey #100, but I'm not quite ready to write at length about it yet. Instead, I'm going to approach it obliquely by thinking about another story that was not quite as interesting, but addressed diversity issues much better. Then, I'll get to Birds of Prey a little bit at the end.

Characters

Main Heroes: Sasha Bordeaux, Jessica Midnight
Minor Heroes: Mr. Terrific, Alan Scott, Count Vertigo

Major Villain: Amanda Waller

P'Shat

There is a contest to replace Black Queen's Knight Jonah McCarthy, who was killed in a previous issue. Four finalists are chosen. One is eliminated for giving up to Count Vertigo on a mountainside, one is eliminated for giving up under torture, and the last is eliminated during a fist fight among the final two contestants. The winner is Josephine Tautin, who is to be the next Black Queen's Knight.

Meanwhile, Alan Scott has gotten all of the non-U.S. Security Council members to veto anyone other than Mr. Terrific for the job of White King. Also, Amanda Waller threatens Fire regarding some dark secret regarding "Cavalho".

Drash

The Checkmate designations are interesting. Under Checkmate's "Rule of 2", every "level" of the organization must be staffed by two individuals -- one human and one metahuman. This is necessary for appropriate oversight and checks and balances. Beyond that, however, there are other "Twos" that are not explicitly in the rules, and it is interesting to see how they are either upheld or not. Specifically there is male/female and white/other dichotomies that are frequent issues in comics.

The organization is headed by the White King and Queen, who are in charge of administrative and organizational issues, and the Black King and Queen, who are in charge of operations. Now, the King and Queen have, to date, been staffed only by gender appropriate individuals (the Kings are all male and the Queens are all female). There has been no explicit requirement, though that the Black Queen, for example, has to be female.

There has been no similar racial or diversity requirement -- a Black Bishop does not have to be Black -- but in this case this does not result in an all-White cast, as one would expect. Quite to the contrary, with the nomination of Michael Holt (Mr. Terrific) to be the White King after Green Lantern Alan Scott was blackballed out of the job, the "White" Royalty (Holt and Amanda Waller) are both Black and the Black King and Queen are both white (if Taleb Beni Khalid, the Black King and an Arab Israeli, qualifies as "White", which I guess is a question of perspective).

Of the 11 active principals however (2 Kings, 2 Queens, 4 Knights, and 3 Bishops), there are currently 5 women and 6 men. There are also 4 or 5 minorities (again, depending on how you count Khalid, plus Waller, Holt, Fire, and Shen Li Po). Put together, with Alan Scott and Jonah McCarthy gone, there are only 3 White Men (King Faraday, Thomas Jagger, and Count Vertigo) among the principals.

This is real diversity. The kind of rare diversity where, when we were faced with the four finalists for Black Queen's Knight -- two men, two women, and a variety of races -- there was never a moment where you thought, "This group would be more representative if they replaced Jonah with a ________ (insert minority group here)." The winner turned out to be a white female, but it could have just as easily been a Hispanic male or a white male or a Laotian hermaphrodite, and diversity would not have suffered. There was just no one I was "rooting for" on diversity grounds.

As I said above, I wrote this analysis to contrast it with my still percolating thoughts on Birds of Prey #100. The analysis on this thread and this thread seem to be that, while more diversity would be nice, how could you complain about Barda, Manhunter, and Judomaster? Well, I have the complete run of Manhunter, so don't question my Kate Spencer cred! And I would have had no problem at all, if they were added to Checkmate, or maybe the JSA or JLA, or some other group that did not begin with a "diversity problem". But when the only three regulars are Caucasian females, I don't think it's a sufficient response to merely point out how awesome Barda is.