Worst Comeback Ever

Quick! The villainous usurper Zogg has just called you a weakling. What is your comeback?



Let's hope your answer was better than Largyn of Liquel II's.

See, Supergirl v. Liquel II, 412 Adventure 19 (Nov. 1971).

And the rest . . .

Thoughts on the other comics I read this week that I didn't have a post's worth of stuff to say about:

1. The Atom #20 -- The best part about this issue (besides the fact that it fully wrapped up all of the stuff that went on in the past 19 issues) was that the key clue that helped Ryan figure out who the enemy was happened in the filler issue -- the one-shot #19 that Gail Simone didn't even write.



Way to keep that fill-in in continuity!

2. Buffy #11 -- Best big-reveal joke.



Who is it? Who's under the mask? Quick turn the page to find out!



Okay. Maybe it was stupid. But it made me laugh.

3. Teen Titans: Year One #2 -- Not very memorable.

4. Supergirl #26. This one would have been good if the last few issues had made any sense. As it is, I just feel like this month's cliff hanger will get ignored and next week we'll get an issue that takes place in Deep Space with a flash back to Krypton and an Editor's Note saying: "This issue takes place after issue #24, but before that crappy arc with the Outsiders."

It is a sign of despair when an otherwise good issue leaves you with the conclusion, "So this will be the last good one until the mid-30s, then?"

Contorting Supergirl the Other Way

Josh Middleton's upcoming Supergirl cover.

Note that Supergirl is bent over so that NEITHER her chest or her nether regions are directed at the viewer.

An improvement from Inflatable Sex Toy Supergirl (below), although that seagull behind Kara, above, is clearly aware that he is being mooned.

Completing the Circle: Trying to Figure Out Supergirl #18

I could talk about the actual plot, which would just be depressing, since it would mean admitted that the majority of the last few issues were totally wasted. Instead, I will merely point out:



Richard Pryor tries to kill Superman in Superman III.



Midriff Supergirl learns from her father that she must kill Superman somewhere around Supergirl #16.




Belly-Covered Supergirl decides she must kill Midriff Supergirl in Supergirl #18. But who is she really? The Real Supergirl? An imposter? The answer, if you look closely, is obvious.



She is clearly Rain Pryor, daughter of Richard Pryor, in a blonde wig. And thus the cycle of killing is closed.

Kara's Dad, and His Daughter the 'Oklahama' Prop (Supergirl 16)

Characters: Major Heroes: Zor-El
Minor Heroes: Supergirl

Major Villains: Jor-El, Phantoms

(Supergirl having that "not so fresh" feeling)

P'Shat


After an unexplained Power Boy Red-splosion, Kara is transported into the previously unknown Exposition/Flashback Universe ("E/FU"), where apparently nothing exists except for Zor-El, but numerous overlapping plot points are revealed in a manner that has minimal credibility, except that I think we are supposed to believe it on the basis of internal plot construction.

In the E/FU, we see Jor-El (the Marlon Brando version from Superman I) explaining how great the "Phantom Zone" is, and lots of bad guys get trapped there. Concurrently, urban blight starts appearing, spurred by apparitions that only Zor-El can see. Zor-El soon gleans that these apparitions are "phantoms" who are travelling to our world through the Phantom Zone projector, and begins a crusade to shut down the Zone and fight the phantoms.

Over the next few months or years, Kara is drawn into her father's world -- both a victim of his experiments to create a defense for the phantoms, and as a weapon to destroy individuals who have been taken over by the phantoms -- including her schoolmates and eventually her mother. Meanwhile, the phantoms recognize the Zor-Els as related to the Jor-Els, and attack on familial grounds.

Understandably disturbed by the matricide, Kara has some mental breaks, and we learn that the whole Zor-El clan is to be banished to the Phantom Zone just as the time that Krypton starts to break apart.

Jor-El is planning to send his son (Superman) to Earth, but Zor-El believes that the phantoms will follow him there. Unable to convince anyone else that the phantoms are real, Zor-El will send Kara after Kal-El to Earth to protect the new world from falling prey to the same plight as the old one.


("Poor Zor-El is Dayd . . .")

Drash

Issue number one here is: Do we have a credible narrator? Our story so far seems to point to "No." First of all, Zor-El is dead, so how do we know our narrator is, in fact, the body in question? Second, all we know about Zor-El in the story so far is that he was this evil, evil man who hooked up his daughter to a death spike machine, ordered her to kill Superman, was considered evil on Krypton, encouraged her to kill school children, etc. Third, there was the whole evil-Kara black-Kryptonite thing. Fourth of all, even if we have the real Zor-El telling the real story from his perspective, how do we know that he was right in the first place? The phantoms could have all been his hallucinations, and Jor-El and the others could have been right.

And yet, the way the evil flashback scenes are woven in to this narrative of "Zor-El as misunderstood hero" makes me think we are supposed to believe it. It just seems to complicated to come up with two completely distinct narratives in which the flashback scenes flow. It also allows the plot to project forward with Kara the possible savior of Earth. So, let's assume that we're getting a "real" story here.

Issue Number Two is: Assuming a real story, how long are we going to have to wait to figure out what the heck else is going on with Kara. I mean, if we can't even figure out why there's "Supergirl" Kara and Candor Kara and League of Superheroes Kara in the E/FU, what hope to we have of ever finding it out?

Which brings us to:

Issue Number Three: Here's the big one. Let's assume that this is a perfectly fine plot-line. I've got no issues with fighting phantoms from the Phantom Zone, or casting doubts on the brilliance of Super-Dad, or anything else. When the heck is Supergirl going to start being about -- you know -- Supergirl? It looks like at least one more issue will take place in the E/FU, sending yet another "FU" to fans who want to read about the actual character in her books, instead of her dad.

You know, I was trying to remember who it was that Kara was reminding me of, and it finally hit me. It wasn't a "who" -- it was a "what." No surprise there, I guess. Have you seen the musical "Oklahoma"? Remember the bad guy, Jud Frye? He's in the market for pornographic pictures one day, and the traveling salesman offers him a novelty item. It's a little view-finder thing where you look in a little hole, and see a pornographic picture on the far side. Hours of entertainment for the lonely farmhand, right? Except this particular model has a button on top that if you press it a knife shoot out into your eye. Jud buys the items with the intent of using it on his romantic rival, Curley.

Well, that's Kara for you. A pretty picture with hidden blades in her. A means rather than her own ends. Even if we believe the "good Zor-El" version of events, he still used his daughter as a weapon and loaded her with pointy crystals, which can't be good for your overall well being.

"Thinking Hasn't Really Been My Strong Suit" (Supergirl #14, Cover Date April 2007)

Characters

Main Heroes: Supergirl
Minor Heroes: Robin, Captain Boomerang, Jr.

Main Villains: Batgirl, Power Boy

Linear narrative is problematic, as we have a lot of scene-jumping and the standard flashback scenes to Kara on Krypton with evil daddy Zor-El. Nonetheless . . .

P'Shat


Supergirl and Power Boy are out on the town fighting bad guys together and flirting, when Power Boy asks Supergirl out on a "date" and the two kiss. Supergirl says she's going out alone to find out who is trying to kill her, and brushes off Power Boy, who tries insistently to go with her.

Supergirl is found by Robin in the Bat Cave, where she is trying to use their computers to track down Batgirl, who she believes is trying to kill her. Robin gives her the information begrudgingly.

Batgirl, previously seen chatting with a distraught Boomer and with the (unidentified?) woman who hired her as an assassin, is now waiting for Kara to arrive for their big fight. In flashbacks, Kara recalls her father calling her "special", and in real time Batgirl is saying that Kara is nothing special as she uses her advanced planning to take the upper hand in the fight. Meanwhile, Boomer is hanging up like a tortured masthead, begging for help in a pose semi-reminiscent of Stephanie Brown's murder scene.

As Cassandra comes up from behind for the kill, however, we see that Kara has somehow internalized some Krypton-esque crystals, and they choose this time to spike out of her back, impaling Batgirl.

Kara, victorious, calls Power Boy for help, who is busy covering his wall with pictures of Kara.

Drash

So, this is the first issue of Supergirl since Eddie Berganza's empassioned "Girls Should Read Supergirl Because, Um . . . Well, Is 'Mimbo' A Word . . .? " So, how did we do?

Badly, I'd say.

First, the good, because there is a quite a bit of good to build on.

1. Tim and Kara in the batcave was cute, especially the part where Tim realizes that Kara and Cassie had talked about the "kiss". Okay, it was more of a good "Tim moment" than a good "Kara moment", but I'm not picky. It was a good scene. Up until the end.

2. The well-choreographed fight scene with Batgirl: "For every kill there is a weapon. Diamond dust. Red wavelength UVB lights -- and me!" It's the sort of fight you expect to see if Batman is planning to take down an evil Supeman. You know that, given enough planning, on Batman's home turf, Batman can take him down pretty easily. It's that sort of fight for a few pages. Up until the end.

3. The flashbacks to Krypton every time Kara hears the words "special." I know some people don't like the sepia-toned flashbacks, and I agree that they've gone on too long, but I guess I'm just a sucker for long, drawn-out suspense. Up until the end.

So, three "good" scenes. And all end poorly.

1. Robin warns Kara not to underestimate Batgirl.

Robin: She's a special case, Supergirl. You should think this one through.

Kara: Thinking hasn't been my strong suit. What button do I press to Mapquest this chick?

Apparently, as with any real teenaged girl, math is hard.

2. The fight scene with Batgirl goes well for Cassandra -- but too well too quickly. The obvious problem might have been that Kara is so powerful that it won't be much of a fight at all. But Cassandra has done a good job of evening the odds, resulting in . . . Kara giving up after a few failed punches? And bursting into swollen eyed tears? And being easily and lengthily distracted from the killer by the shirtless Boomer on the Masthead?



And then, Cassandra comes in for the kill, and what the heck was that? Some sort of prolonged lesbian, spooning, interlocking-legged death hug? Try picturing THAT scene with Bruce and Clark instead of Cassandra and Kara. (See, Agenda Items 7 & 8.)



3. Which takes us to the flashbacks. Kara is being called "special", and something unidentified is being done to her. This merges with the present when, apparently, both sides have given up the fight. Kara is crying and ineffectual. Cassandra is chatty and snuggly in an assassin-esque kind of way. So which of the girls wins the fight? Well, I guess Kara's Dad Zor-El does, since he's the one who installed the latent exploding-crystal thingie. In a fight between two girls, the winner is a long-dead man. Hm.

Is this the issue that will "attract women to read Supergirl"? Signs Point To No.

Supergirl #5 v. Star Trek #5: Contrasting Christian and Jewish Views of "Evil"

So, while many people are saying that Supergirl #10 is their favorite so far in the new series, if I had to create a Top 10, #10 for me its a clear number two, behind Supergirl #5.

Characters
Major Heroes: Supergirl, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman
Minor Heroes: Martian Manhunter, Flash, Hawkman, Black Canary, Green Lanern (John Stewart)

Major Villains: Evil Supergirl
Minor Villains: Zor-El (flashback), Darkseid (flashback)

P'Shat

The story begins with a flashback of Zor-El sending his teenage daughter to Earth, with instructions to kill the son of Jor-El when she arrives. Her true personality is submerged under a false "innocent" personality, that re-emerged briefly when kidnapped by Darkseid, and again when Luthor used his Black Kryptonite on her, splitting Supergirl in two. "Good Supergirl" denies the story, and claims that evil Supergirl is purely a creation of Lex Luthor. The Supergirls fight, and when confronted with an assortment of superheroes, take their fight into space before crashing down into Gotham. Evil Supergirl attacks Batman, who fends her off until Superman and Wonder Woman arrive. Evil Supergirl switches their costumes, so that none of the heroes knows which is the "real" Supergirl. When Superman tries to take them both down, both Supergirls fight back.

Superman and Wonder Woman each briefly defeat one Supergirl, and Batman takes out his Kryptonite ring, threatening to destroy them both. One of the Supergirls requests that Wonder Woman bind them together with her magic lasso to determine who is telling the truth, and who is the "real" Supergirl. Since neither of them know, they cannot answer, and instead get fused back together. The fused Supergirl doesn't know which one was "real" either, but says that it doesn't matter, because she is responsible for her own destiny.

Drash

So, you remember that episode of Star Trek, where there was a transporter malfunction and Captain Kirk was split into "Good Kirk" and "Evil Kirk". No, not that one, where evil Spock had an evil beard. And no, not that other one where Kirk becomes evil because he's taken over by an evil female scientist. And no, not that other one where . . .

Okay, Kirk becomes evil a lot, I guess. You'd think the crew would have a standard policy of checking to make sure it wasn't an "evil Kirk" before following his orders. But in this one, there's a Good Kirk and an Evil Kirk running around on the same ship. Evil Kirk is raping and pillaging, while Good Kirk is on the bridge running the Enterprise. It's essentially the same plot as Supergirl #5, where Black Kryptonite splits Kara into Good Supergirl and Evil Supergirl. The difference is, Supergirl #5 would be a perfect text for a Sunday School Church lecture, while The Enemy Within (coincidentally, Episode #5 of Star Trek) could be screened at a Hebrew School.

Now, the "Christian" view of evil doesn't require much explanation, since it is probably the one we think of most naturally. Given any conflict, there is a "good" choice and an "evil" choice. We must choose the good, and either destroy or suppress the evil. The philosophical model is Kantian ethics, which can be visualized as a scale from 0 to 10, where 10 is absolute good, and anything short of that requires us to work toward improvement in the future. Supergirl embodies this model by having the split personalities that alternately dominate, and one or the other must prevail. There is no indication that either of the Split SGs are weakened by the division -- if anything they are strengthened by losing the inhibitions caused by the other when they were joined.

The "Jewish" view of evil, on the other hand, doesn't work that way. In Jewish theology, there are two conflicting forces, the "Yetzer Tov" (good impulse) and the "Yetzer Rah" (the evil impulse). And everyone has both, and needs both in order to survive and thrive. The philosophical model is Aristotle's Nichomachean Ethics with the "golden mean" and can be visualized as a dial from 0 to 10 that you are trying to keep in the middle, at around a '5', without letting either the two Impulses dominate. Thus, Good Kirk became an ineffective Captain after he is split from Evil Kirk. Without the Yetzer Rah, the Captain is unable to make decisions that will put his crew in danger, is unable to fight effectively, etc. Both Kirks are only half-men without each other, and must be combined in order to survive.

Now, although these are two diametically opposed ways to view evil, it doesn't actually create different results in the vast majority of "normal" situations. (It may help, explain, however, why Christianity has more examples of ascetic followers.)

This Supergirl arc is similar to the Indigo/Brainiac arc from the Outsiders, with the difference being that Indigo was a robot, so it was more understandable that she had "good" and "evil" programming.

The Supergirl finale was somewhat muddled, though. We are led to believe that, once they were re-combined, evil Kara was submerged again, but that is not clearly stated. Overall, however, the frame of the story, in contrast to The Enemy Within, is that Good and Evil are conflict forces within us, and the Enemy Within must be blocked, not accomodated.

Girls Behind Bars in their Underwear: Supergirl #10 (Cover Date Nov. 2006)

Characters

Major Heroes: Supergirl
Minor Heroes: Wonder Girl, Captain Boomerang, Jr.

Major Villains: Every kid in Guggenheim High School
Minor Villains: Monsieur Mallah

P'Shat

Supergirl prepares to join a regular high school under a secret identity of "Claire Conners". Her new buddy Captain Boomerang, Jr. gives her some prison videos to prepare herself with. During her first week, she befriends Becky, who steers her away from the cool "Abercrombie" kids. Kara starts having flashback to being teased in high school on Krypton.

After chatting with Wonder Girl about her school experiences, Becky tells Kara about a sleepover party, and Kara invites "Sarah the Pariah." At the party, the girls trick Sarah into stripping down to her underwear, and circling the parts she wants to "improve" in lipstick. The next day, Becky convinced Sarah that the trick was Kara's fault, and the gang up to dump slop on Kara's head. At this point, Kara flashes back to committing a Columbine-style massacre on the kids who teased her on Krypton. But on Earth, Abercrombie and Witch steps in to save her, but instead Kara simply removes her costume, revealing herself as Supergirl, and tells everyone to "Be Yourself."

Drash

Apparently, we all like the "new direction" for Supergirl. I formulated some of my thoughts in this thread, and am expanding them here.

In general, although the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, that's no excuse for taking a single step, sitting down, and declaring victory. Realizing halfway through the school day that you have no idea why you decided to go to high school is certainly a step up from halfway through the fight realizing that you have no idea why you're fighting the Outsiders, or have no idea how you got to this particular dimension/timeline/universe. But we're not really there yet.

Where I agree that the story is improved is the potential in the story's frame. I had optimism when I saw the character of "Sarah the Pariah" as a good foil (rhymes with "Kara the Messiah" -- coincidence? Well, as it turns out, it probably was, but it shouldn't have been!) If the primary purpose for Sarah was just as an excuse to show some underaged girls in their underwear, it was a seriously wasted opportunity.

While Kara had some "depth" here, she was put in a really shallow pool, with a ton of one-dimensional, catty girls. The Lone Ranger was not pro-Indian just because Tonto was a good guy (it's just those other million Injuns that are the problem), and Supergirl doesn't get any pro-female street cred for portraying Kara well, and everyone else like the Lone Ranger's bullet stoppers. (The was one other positive frame with Abercrombie & Witch, an exception which shows that there didn't have to be a rule.)

What really disappointing me, though, was the un-heroic ending. Given an untenable situation, there are always three options -- Loyalty, Voice, or Exit. You can accept the world as it is. you can speak up to change your situation. Or you can leave and find another one. In public school, though, there is no Exit option for girls like Sarah the Pariah. She can't elect to not go to school the way she could quit a job or move to a new neighborhood after she grows up. (In this way, Boomer's comparison to prison is somewhat accurate.)

So, when Supergirl takes the "Exit" option, it becomes the ultimate cop-out. Kara's exhortation to everyone to drop their Secret Identities doesn't do any good to Sarah. She's at the mercy of dozens of other girls individual or collective decisions to include or exclude. She has no choice but to stay and fight, either back at the girls who teased her (although hopefully not to the extremes of Kara on Krypton), or down the social ladder to girls like "Claire", who she lashes out at towards the end (which is really a kind of "Loyalty" -- accepting the social structure and her place in it.)

While the high school situation hurts everyone, Kara's advise did the least good to those it would hurt most -- girls like Sarah the Pariah. In a best case scenario, Sarah and Kara would have shown how to tackle the same problem from different points in the power structure. Now, if she Sarah follows Kara's Krypton path, shouldn't Kara have seen it coming, and isn't she therefore part of the problem?

The lesson of her actions, rather than her words, meanwhile, is that it wasn't worth staying to fight. Might as well just run off and be a truant with Cassie, or jail bait to Boomer. Drop your secret identity if you wish, but don't just walk away! How can you be a leader if your followers are legally mandated to not follow your lead?