Friday, August 31, 2007

Batman Expresses His Views on Feminism

Bruce expresses his complex and well-reasoned views on feminism to Diana.

Wonder Woman subsequently expresses her complex and well-reasoned views on Batman by knocking him out, locking him in a capsule, and shooting him out into space.

The option of "I disagree, and therefore will shoot you out into space" should, I believe, be an option is more types of philosophical debates.

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Things I learned from Amazons Attack

1. It IS possible in a six-issue mini-series to have more than six "Final Confrontations" between Diana and Hippolyta.

2. Zatanna and her mind-wipes are superfluous now that we have targeted killer wasp stings to erase knowledge of secret identities. Personally, I was hoping for a reversion to Superman-movie era Amnesia Inducing Kisses, but we can't have everything.

3. Amnesia works not just for revealed secrets, but for things that you easily figured out on your own.

4. If you dress up like another character, you get to use all of her powers also.

5. Four magical shape-shifters in one mini-series is two too many.

6. Although it would have been fun if they all pretended to be Sgt. Steel at the same time.

7. Wasn't Donna Troy off searching for Diana at some point in the middle there? Did she just get a case of ADD and forget all about the war?

8. Apparently that Lazarus-Pit crazy-making thing happens to you even if you are re-incarnated some other way.

Live and learn.

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

Countdown to Self-Parody

It took me a little while to figure out why this sequence from the Grace/Diana issue of Five of a Kind struck me as odd. They are in Cleveland trying to safe the city from a Bana bomb when suddenly . . .

It's the middle panel.

It's a Countdown to . . . Countdown?

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

How To Hypersexualize, Dismember, and then Kill a 14 Year Old Girl in Comics

How To Hypersexualize, Dismember, and then Kill a 14 Year Old Girl in Six Easy Steps (Plus -- If You Call Now -- A Free Bonus "Super-Fetish" Seventh Step!)

Courtesy of Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious #1, which I bought because I love Lobo, and really enjoyed Batman: Secrets from the same guy. This one, I'm now thinking, might have been a mistake.

So, how to you hypersexualize, dismember, and then kill a 14 year old girl? Glad you asked.

First, find a 14 year old girl in a short Catholic-girl skirt 7.2 light-years from Earth (How far has the Catholic Church reached in the DCU?). Ideally, make her a little bit nerdy.

Second, drop her down a hole in such a way so that (a) her shirt buttons all pop open and (b) her skirt gets hiked up a good six to nine inches, revealing her ass. This is a tricky maneuver, but you can do it if you try hard enough.

Third, the pre-requisite Lesbian Kiss among two women who are not, actually -- you know -- lesbians. Bonus points for also depicting pedophilia (older woman with 14 year old girl) and involuntary, what with a gun to the girl's neck.

Fourth, in a brief moment of regret, our underaged, overexposed pseudo-lesbian must have pangs of doubt, wishing that she could find some "guys to go party with".

But, alas, our young heroine will never get attain her hopes of heterosexual redemption because, well, you can't hypersexualize, dismember, and kill without dismemberment, so that left arm's just got to go! Trust me, in context it doesn't make any more sense why the black splotchy creature has just eaten our un-named heroine's left arm clean up to the shoulder, and then stopped. Except maybe amputee sex is one fetish we hadn't gotten to yet.

Sixth, for the grand finale, drive your motorcycle into an ammo dump, destroying all evidence of what you did. The black now-smoldering corpse is all that's left of our hyper-sexualized dismembered 14 year old.

There. Now you know how to hyper-sexualize, dismember, and the kill an anonymous 14 year old girl.

But wait! Remember how we thought that amputee-sex was the final fetish? We were wrong! Because just because you have hypersexualized, dismembered, and killed a fourteen year old girl, doesn't mean that there isn't time for just one more Pseudo-Lesbian Pedophiliac Amputee Necrophiliac Kiss!

Top THAT, Larry Flynt!

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Weird Conversation

Apropos of Nothing, except that a Sleestak post made me think of it, and all of my substantive posts are getting bogged down in my over-excitement over the use of my scanner:

Apparently, Sunday night my mother had a dream in which we had a phone conversation identical to an actual phone conversation that we really had on Sunday afternoon, but in which we spent an additional five minutes discussing how I had lost my cell phone, and where it could possibly be.

She called me yesterday to ask if I had found my cell phone yet, and there was much confusion that ensued, until I pointed out the inescapable fact that it was clear that during the REAL Sunday conversation I was sitting in the kids' section of Barnes & Noble with the Ragkids and hence, necessarily, on my cell phone.

Faced with this cognitive dissonance, my mother was forced to re-examine her day and realize that, in fact, she dreamed a conversation that exactly mimicked the real one, except for the cell phone issue.