Comic Book Thoughts

Could Cyborg and Hawkman Team Up To Defeat Wonder Woman?

2009-11-23T09:17:00.000-08:00

So, I'm in the book store the other day, and I'm always keeping my eyes open for things the girls would like, so when I saw that they had a Super Friends coloring book, I picked it up without even looking. The girls LOVE the DC Super Friends book, and we pick up the issues every month. I didn't even really stop to look at it. Just dumped it on the pile.

But then, something caught my eye. Super Friends Cyborg! Cyborg isn't in the comic book, but the girls know him from Tiny Titans. So, instead of the six Super Friends, this one had seven. Even better.

But wait, is that Hawkman up there in the corner? It is. I don't particularly care about Hawkman, but I have no objections to him either. But, if there are seven characters, and two of them are new, then one of the six from the comic books has to be missing . . .

Yep, they ditched Wonder Woman, and traded her in for Cyborg and Hawkman. The Super Friends Coloring Book went right back on the shelf. I've never complained that there's "only one girl" for my girls in the Super Friends comics. They certainly haven't complained, and the portrayal of WW is very good.

So why did they drop her from the coloring book?

I'm not one to say publically, "I'm offended and will never buy your product again," but I actually had this one in my hands in the "To Buy" pile. So, that's one lost sale from whoever thought the presence of one female superhero would lose more sales than dropping her for freakin' Hawkman.

JSA #25: All in the Family

2009-04-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

Wasn't that a great shot, that last page of JSA?

The huge table, with everyone sitting around it?

And Alan was talking about how they were a great big, happy family?

Yep. Alan Scott's happy family! What a nice image!

No one missing from that picture at all. Nope. Nobody missing from Alan Scott's happy family picture.

Oh wait. . .

5 Things I Didn't Expect To See In Flash: Rebirth #1

2009-04-01T12:44:00.002-07:00

1. Barry Allen brutally murdering a bad guy.

2. Barry Allen's mother being brutally murdered.

3. Bart Allen, back home and alive, without any sort of explanation, since I honestly forgot that that happened in Legion of Three Worlds, and still can't remember if has been follow-up with anywhere else.

4. Officer Chyre, who is apparently about 100 years old, but looks much younger.

5. Iris Allen and Linda Park West being approximately the same age.

Yey for Legs!

2009-03-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

I appear to be a minority of one.

Shelly says:

All of which are why I've never wanted her to regain the use of her legs. It's
so important for there to be disabled characters to be role models for disabled
readers. Babs, as Oracle, shows you can succeed despite being unable to walk.

Platinum Comics Site offers:

As Oracle and as a person in a
wheel chair she has been a real
inspiration and a guiding light
showing that no one is
defined by their disability.

Those are only two examples of the common theme. And I don't actually agree with the sentiment. I only disagree as it applies to Barbara Gordon. You see, I've got three girls, who all love comic books. And, just like your boys will dress up like Superman and Batman, my girls dress up like Supergirl and Batgirl (and Wonder Woman) for Halloween. (See pic, approximately three posts down.)

So, yeah, Clark Kent died for an arc and then came back. Bruce Wayne broke his back fighting Bane, but was walking again soon enough.

Linda Lee Supergirl died in the Crisis, and stayed dead for 20 years. Barbara Gordon got put in a wheelchair and stayed there.

So, here's the thing. I haven't actually told MY little Batgirl that Barbara Gordon had her spine shot through by the Joker and can't be Batgirl anymore. I mean, what the hell? Why is it that the "girls" don't just get better like the boys do?

Barbara Grodon can walk around and do her Batgirl things in Tiny Titans, and in the various Batman TV shows. But I don't really want to show her "current" Barbara Gordon, because for a long time it just felt like she -- unlike every other superhero in history -- had been damaged in a way that she couldn't recover from. And that wasn't fair.

My daughter loves comics because she loves and identifies with Batgirl. I wouldn't be shocked if over half of every little girl who has ever seen or heard of a comic book character identifies with either Supergirl, Batgirl, or Wonder Woman. So, please, let them go out and be Supergirl, Batgirl, and Wonder Woman! (Wonder Woman, by the way, is on that higher tier, where her deaths and injuries are always easily reversable, which is why I push her as a character.)

And please, feel free to build up your next wheelchair-bound Oracle #2 into the greatest freakin' superhero of all time. But make it some character who just doesn't seem to be working out in their current incarnation (Spoiler, Ryan Choi, that teleporty-girl from Birds of Prey), or even better someone not currently in the the Superhero community -- like Robin's ex-girlfriend after Stephanie (Zoe?) or that scientist guy who got killed by an OMAC in Outsiders. Just give him or her a debilitating genetic spine injury (no more bullets through the spine, please), and move on.

Voila. Oracle II could keep being a great role model, and Barbara Gordon can keep doing what she has always done as Batgirl -- inspire little girls.

Mixing our Jo(h)n Stewarts

2009-01-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

The Raggirls had pointed out that none of the Superfriends appear to be Jewish. The cover of Superfriends #10, however, has convinced them that John Stewart -- like his h-less peer -- is a member of the Tribe. Knowing of nothing recent and canonical to contradict it, I'm going along with it.

Except for the minor hubristic incident in which billions of people died in Cosmic Odyssey due to his mistake, I can't imagine any Jewish parents who would be unhappy to have the Super Friends' Green Lantern as a son-in-law.

One Thought on Rann/ Thanager Holy War

2009-01-02T12:28:00.000-08:00

So, let's assume that you are Starman, leader of Gemworld. Let's also assume the entire population of your planet has been killed. But wait! In their second game of "Hide the Ball" this decade, the Rannians have now re-located themselves to your now-empty world.

How do you respond?

Or, to bring it down to Earth -- Let's say you are the President of the USA, and the entire population of your country was just killed while you were off on a European diplomatic mission. Suddenly, who should pop up across your heartland but the entire population of Indonesia.

How do you respond?

I'm thinking it won't be along the lines of "What the heck, I'll just be President of the Indonesians now!"

That is why you are not Starman of Gemworld.

Terra #2: Boobies Boobies Boobies!!!

2008-12-01T07:05:00.000-08:00

So, um.

Yeah.

Never thought I'd read a comic book with Power Girl in it, and have it contain TWO other characters with more prominently displayed bosoms.

X-Men and Kristallnacht

2008-11-11T07:36:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was the 70th Anniversary of Kristallnacht, which reminds me (among other things) that absolutely everyone should be reading "X-Men Magneto: Testament."

It is the best comic book series I have read in the last several years, and it's really not even close to #2. Magneto: Testament is essentially a Holocaust story being marketed as a "Magneto's Secret Origins" story.

The first two issues have been incredible. Magneto is here presented only as Max Eisenhardt -- a pre-teen Jew growing up in Germany in the 1930s. The "superpowers" are essentially non-existent, and are really only there at all as rationales for some more mundane abilities he has. (Max is a poor athlete overall, but excels in the Javelin, for example.)

It's really hard to describe what makes it so incredible, but it all just works very well together, and is wonderful to read.

Testament #3 comes out tomorrow. If you haven't done so, buy #1 and #2 today.

Raggirls on Holloween -- The Real Trinity

2008-11-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

The real Trinity of the DCU -- Diana Price (Eldest Raggirl), Barbara Gordon (Medium Raggirl) and Kara Zor-El (Youngest Raggirl)

In a one-panel re-telling of DCU: Decisions, the Trinity all endorse Barack Obama, but are still a little disappointed since they think Hillary Clinton was the best choice.

Vixen #1: The MacGuffin

2008-10-10T08:24:00.000-07:00

So, I enjoyed Vixen #1, but the thing that stuck out for me was the horrifically bad insertion of the McGuffin in the beginning of the issue.

Now, as any fan of Alfred Hitchcock knows, the MacGuffin is the reason that the characters are doing what they are doing, but while it is central to the plot, its exact nature is actually unimportant. You want to have a story where adventurers travel to a distant, exotic land and have harrowing adventures? Sure you do. But why are they going? Did they find an old treasure map hidden in an old box? Was their best friend kidnapped, with a ransom note postmarked from overseas? For 90% of the story, it doesn't actually matter what the MacGuffin is -- you might as well just call it the MacGuffin.

But for a few short frames of Vixen #1, we have to actually identify the MacGuffin, and here's what happens -- Superman, Batman, Black Canary, and Vixen are raiding an Intergang arms depot. Enough weapons to start a war! Who is getting these weapons?

Why, according to a book Batman finds in the weapons cache, it is going to the dictator of Zambesi, Vixen's homeland. The book also mentions that this particular dictator is responsible for murdering Vixen's parents years ago, contrary to Vixen's belief that her parents were killed by poachers.

Why was this fact in an Intergang book? Who knows. It is completely ridiculous.

But its the MacGuffin. Once Vixen is off the Zambesi, it doesn't matter. But still, it would be nice if the premise made a little more sense.

Virgin Comics is Back!

2008-09-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

As one of Virgin Comic's five fans -- and maybe the only non-Hindu -- I am really excited that it might not be dead after all! This increases substantially the chances that I'll find out how that last arc of Devi turned out. Is Devi's long lost sister good or evil? Will Devi fall in love with the troubled but good-hearted policeman or the troubled but good-hearted reporter? Will her human or godish half take over?

I had despaired of ever finding out.

The Only Love Quiz You Will Ever Need

2008-09-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

In case you were concerned about what is really important to marital happiness.

Arbitrary Current Rankings

2008-09-22T20:59:00.000-07:00

Five favorite comic books currently being published:

1. Trinity (even though I know y'all hate it)
2. Secret Six (even though there is only one out!)
3. Booster Gold
4. Amazing Spider-Man
5. Wonder Woman (aspirational that they will continue to be like the last issue).

Five comics I dropped recently.

1. Green Arrow/ Black Canary (end of stupid arc.)
2. Flash (stopped caring)
3. Batman and the Outsiders (what is this book about, exactly?)
4. Checkmate (even though it's the last arc, this quickly went from my favorite to 'why bother?')
5. The War That Time Forgot (half a year, and nothing has happened.)

Three trades that I picked up on a whim, and was surprised that I liked:

1. Planet Hulk
2. Scalped, Vol. 1
3. Marvel Masterworks X-Men, Vol. 1

DCU: Decisions #1

2008-09-19T07:09:00.000-07:00

Stop it.

Just stop it.

I could understand if they said that Batman was a Republican. Or Alan Scott. Or Wonder Woman. Heck, it could even have been an interesting twist if Hawkgirl voted Republican.

By there is NO FREAKIN' WAY that Lois Lane is a Republican.

That is all.

Worst Comeback Ever

2008-09-18T06:36:00.000-07:00

Quick! The villainous usurper Zogg has just called you a weakling. What is your comeback?

Let's hope your answer was better than Largyn of Liquel II's.

See, Supergirl v. Liquel II, 412 Adventure 19 (Nov. 1971).

What the heck is going on in Action?

2008-09-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

Can someone explain what I should be assuming in Action comics?

Less than a year ago, someone accidentally dropped the bottle city of Kandor in the Fortress of Solitude. Now the bottle city of Kandor is (a) in one piece; (b) in Brainiac's ship; and (c) has different people in it.

Is this a different bottle city of Kandor?

Does that last bottle city of Kandor not exist any more?

Is it the same bottle, but with new and exciting residents from Argo City in it?

What assumptions should I be making here?

The Outing of Maggie Sawyer, Part II

2008-09-17T06:57:00.000-07:00

As we saw Monday, Superman v. 2 #15 provides an overall positive portrait of Maggie Sawyer as an "out lesbian," and gives some good background of how the system worked against her.

It wasn't perfect, but it certainly wasn't bad for 1988, when there were no positive gay characters at all in the DC Universe. Also, the issue goes out of its way to avoid actually using the words "gay" or "lesbian."

But who cares what I think about Maggie Sawyer. The important question is, what does Superman think?

Interestingly, he draws a comparison between Maggie Sawyer and Cat Grant, both of whom are working mothers who lost custody of their kids. Unlike Maggie, however, Cat is portrayed as the "extreme heterosexual" -- always hitting on Clark, and other men in the office.

Cat lost her son Adam because she was an alcoholic; Maggie because she was a lesbian. Superman reasonably sees the former as a more reasonable factor in losing your kid than the latter. While this is a pretty good reaction from Superman, it may actually veer a little too far anti-Cat in its pro-Maggie-ness. Cat is also being watched and judged all the time. She just takes a different approach to dealing with it.

As Superman continues to interior-monologue, he almost thinks the forbidden "L Word."

Yes, Superman. It is ridiculous that she should have to give up her child because she's Hold It. Oh, wait, a Deus ex Machina flies through and distracts Superman just before he can contemplate the concept of "gay."

In a different sort of review of Superman #15, that winged kid would actually be the center-point. A bad guy is turning kids into winged creatures to rob buildings for him, and he was Jaime in his clutches, and will they rescue her before its too late?

Well, you can read the issue for that. This isn't that kind of review, and that's all we are going to see of the wing-kids.

Enough to say that Superman and Maggie Sawyer do what they have to do. And then includes following the Court Order. Even though he doesn't want to.

The issue ends inconclusively, with President James Buchanan agreeing to "think about" letting Jaime visit her mother. I guess that's the best we could hope for, absent a return to Golden Age Superman, who would have held Sawyer out of a high window until he agreed to sign an amended custody agreement. But there appear to be a lot of ranch houses around, so maybe that strategy wouldn't have worked here. And who knows if Golden Age Superman is as enlightened about gay parents as this Superman is.

So that's it. 22 pages of Maggie Sawyer -- bad mom, good cop, good lesbian. Was it an overall good portrayal? Good for the time period? Too wishy-washy? What do you think?

Green Arrow/ Black Canary -- The Year of Suck

2008-09-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've read a full year of Green Arrow/ Black Canary, and can I just say that it was the most convoluted piece of crap I have ever read?

I mean, I really like Black Canary. I also really like Green Arrow. (But, you know, just as a friend. I think Black Canary's decision to marry him is idiotic.)

But, as far as I can determine, this is what happened:

#1. Everyone thinks that Green Arrow is dead, because Black Canary killed him on their wedding night. In fact, Green Arrow is not dead, but has been kidnapped while Everyman took his place. Nobody knows this except for Green Arrow, his kidnappers, and -- of course -- Dr. Sivana.

#2. Green Arrow has actually been kidnapped by the Amazons and taken to Paradise Island. Why? It's not exactly clear. Because Granny Goodness wants her to train her new Female Furies? But that's HER job. What makes her think that Dinah could do it better than she could? And, more importantly, what makes her think that kidnapping Ollie would increase her likelihood of helping?

The whole plot to this point has the whiff of the underpants gnomes: (1) Steal Green Arrow; (2) ???; (3) Profit!

3. Anyway, Countdown tie-in checked off, the Gang of Four (GA, BC, Speedy, and Connor) leave the island when Connor is shot from a space ship. He was shot because, of course, Dr. Sivana wanted Green Arrow dead, and the assassins missed. Why? Perhaps he got advise from a rival group of underwear gnomes. Why did they wait until Ollie has escaped, and not shoot him when he was stationary in an open-air cage on Paradise Island? We don't know.

4. Connor's life is saved by Superman, but he is in a persistent vegetative state after Green Lantern is done operating. Did the space laser steal his soul? One might have imagined, but since the goal was to "Kill Green Arrow," you really wouldn't need to laser with the soul-sucker attachment.

5. Then, although the original goal was "Dead Ollie," there is soon after a plan to "kidnap Connor's body." Why? To make him a zombie, of course. Although we don't find that out until we also rescue Plastic Man, in a plot twist too tangential for this post.

6. There is then a lot of fighting with the League of Assassins, until it turns out that was all just a big misunderstanding. Oops. That part of stupid, but actually made internal sense. Shado was pretending to be Ras al Ghul. Got it.

7. Apparently, the only known cure for persistent vegetative states is for Dr. Sivana to turn you into a zombie, and then stop Dr. Sivana from turning you into a zombie. My thought was that you'd just stop being a zombie and go back to your vegetative state. But apparently not. Who knew?

It seems obvious to me that this started out going one place, and then half-way through someone said, "Hey, you can't have the bad guy be X! Change it!" And then they changed it on the fly, and through in a half-assed plot twist to explain it. Very, very disappointing.

The Outing of Maggie Sawyer, Part I

2008-09-15T06:54:00.000-07:00

Before Batwoman. Before Renee Montoya. Before Obsidian.

The was Metropolis police chief Maggie Sawyer. She wasn't a superhero, but she was a cast regular (and she still is, although she moved to Gotham at some point.) She was added to the cast right after the Crisis reboot with Superman #7 in 1987. Less than a year later, we got a good look at her personal life in Superman #15.

As the story opens, Maggie's pre-teen daughter Jaime has been missing for several days since she ran away from her father in Star City. The theory is that she has run off to find her mother, but no one is sure.

The above is the last panel on page 3. We don't know who is saying, "You don't know that, babe."

And the above is the top of Page 4. I guess these panels are the "outing" of Maggie Sawyer. Although, if you will notice, no where in the issue does anyone actually mention the word "gay" or "lesbian."

While reading this page, I suppose we are supposed to come to the shocking realization that Maggie and Toby are a "couple," but actually all that I got from it was the shocking realization that Maggie is an absolutely horrible mother. Her young daughter is missing, she is on a first name basis with Superman, and she doesn't call him until days later, after Toby convinces him? I don't think my daughter is missing ten minutes before I'm on the phone to Superman.

Anyway, Maggie eventually calls Superman -- although she still does not do it through official channels, instead going to Jimmy Olsen to use his signal watch. When Superman expresses surprise that Maggie has a kid, he blurts out the extremely tacky "I didn't even know you were married!"

Bad form, Superman. Maggie ignores the faux pas, however, and answers.

James Buchanan Sawyer. Her ex-husband is named after the President under whose watch the country fell apart before the Civil War? Are we comparing gay rights to civil rights? Or is that way to much of a stretch?

This is a very disturbing panel. It is possible that this is a picture of Maggie being proposed to on the beach, with a big phallic symbol in the far distance. Except that James Buchanan is not exactly in "I'm proposing" position. I think it is more likely that the couple is supposed to be a generic "happy couple," while Maggie is the small figure in the mid-distance staring at the phallic lighthouse. I am assuming that "things a proper Catholic girl doesn't even want to consider" doesn't relate to her doubts concerning transubstantiation.

Despite the theme that Maggie is a lesbian, this is the only panel in which anything sexual is going on.

Now, I may be completely off here, but the only thing I can figure is that Maggie is visiting a co-ed gay bar. The tip off, of course, is Mr. Mustache in the middle. Except that, generally, gay bars aren't co-ed. And both Mr. Mustache and Ms. Short 80's Hair are looking at Maggie. And not with 'come hither' looks in their eyes. I don't know, maybe I'm missing something.

Anyway, one trip to the gay bar is the straw that broke the camel's back, because now we are in divorce court and the female judge declares Maggie not a "fit mother." The fifteenth president wins sole custody.

And that is how Maggie Sawyer ended up in Metropolis without Jaime. Altogether a relatively positive portrayal of the gay mother. There is a real sense that she has been wronged by the system forced her into a marriage she knew was wrong, and then held her orientation against her when she realized the truth.

Tune in next time for the second half of the issue, in which we see further verbal contortions to avoid actually saying the word "lesbian."

The Spectre Fights The Anti-Matter Man

2008-09-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

(From Justice League of America, Vol. 1 #46)

Wonder Woman #23

2008-09-11T06:22:00.000-07:00

Well, after my backhanded compliment of Gail Simone on Tuesday for her "return to form" with Secret Six #1, she completely returns to form again with Wonder Woman #23 which -- more than anything over the last two arcs -- reads like you might imagine "Gail Simone doing Wonder Woman" would read. Two panels say it all:

So, are you deadpanning if you don't actually know that you are deadpanning?

Tolifhar and Rhanda need their own mini-series. I would buy each copy of all of them.

Also, as one of the few actual fans of "White Jumpsuit Wonder Woman" -- Yey.

Helena Wayne's Lack of Underpants, Part 2

2008-09-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Having seen on Monday all of the different angles we can use to determine that Helena Wayne doesn't wear any underpants after her shower, I will provide one more, with minimal commentary:

I defy you to tell me -- with a straight face -- that there's no pubic hair in this picture.

(Scan from Wonder Woman v.1, #281)

Secret Six #1

2008-09-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

Reading Gail Simone start an ongoing Secret Six was bittersweet: Sweet because it was so good, and bitter because she is not doing more of it.

Back in the days of Birds of Prey and Atom and Secret Six minis, there were two or three chances per month to read the wackiness/ violence/ heroics/ wittiness combo that was what makes her writing so good.

Not that I have anything against her Wonder Woman. I have always read Wonder Woman, and Gail Simone is writing it the way it has always been written -- she just doesn't do it any better than Greg Rucka did, or George Perez, or John Byrne, etc.

So, the problem is that Simone doesn't do Wonder Woman any better than a dozen other people could, but NO ONE can ever do Birds of Prey (or Secret Six or Atom) as well as she does. But she got Peter Principled up the food chain to a higher profile book, and now spends more time writing Diana Loses Her Soul, and less time writing Ragdoll Tells A Funny About Removing His Own Genitals While Slowly Strangling Somebody.

The Catman & Deadshot foil a robbery scene is Secret Six #1 was absolutely perfect. The Boys Buy Scandal A Hooker scene worked only because no one is the entire scene was to be taken seriously. Junior Destroys An Entire Family scene works exactly because it is so upsetting, and yet set against the humor of the other scenes.

We want more of that! Not just a bunch of "very good" Wonder Woman stories.

Helena Wayne's Lack of Underpants

2008-09-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

So, you know how after you take a shower, you will often dry yourself off and put on a bathrobe? Sometimes, until you select your next outfit, you will not wear underwear beneath that bathrobe. When one is home, alone, and not -- say -- flying through the sky like Supergirl, this may be an appropriate fashion choice.

Demonstrating that Helena Wayne does not wear underwear after her showers, however, appears to have been the central preoccupation of the Huntress stories, in which she showered, changed clothes, or merely lounged in minimal attire at an alarmingly high rate.

Now, one might wonder, how could one reasonably demonstrate that a woman -- wearing a bathrobe -- is not wearing anything beneath that bathrobe. It is, actually, fairly challenging.

Proof that there is no bra is relatively easy. Merely have the bathrobe gape down below the cleavage to the navel.

No bra there! Proving lack of underpants is more difficult, however. Note that, no matter how high the bathrobe may ride up her leg, it is theoretically possible for a pair of small underpants to fit in there.

But, the central premise of Huntress, is determining for CERTAIN that she is not wearing underpants. Is there any possible way she could sit at that desk that would let us know for sure?

Yes. That would be one possibility! By having her sit at her desk, navel pushed out, and both legs up by her phone (a pose known in technical terms the "upright, arched, gynocologist chair"), we can be sure that Helena Wayne is not wearing any underpants. As further confirmation of the above point, there is a clear nipple outline in this frame.

Is this the only way to prove lack of underpants? Of course not. Let your imagination run wild until the next installment.

(All scans from Batman Family #20, 1978)

Brief Thoughts On A Few Comics I Read Yesterday

2008-09-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

In the order I read them yesterday:

1. Trinity #14: So, Ultraman & Co. are Saddam Hussein, and the Justice League are the Americans invading Iraq? They easily dispose of the bad guys, but then are stuck trying to fix it when it falls into chaos and rebellion afterwards. In this scenario, the Trinity = Bush/ Cheney, the rest of the Justice League = Congress, and I guess Enigma is cast as the pro-war Democrats. Except there's no dimensional transfer thingie in Iraq.

2. Detective #848 -- So, does everyone know that Selina Kyle is Catwoman? Why else would they call Batman? Obviously a non-death event -- Catwoman is certainly on someone's "unkillable" list -- but likely to drag out for a while a la Connor Hawke. You can tell her chances of survival based on the heat level -- Operating Rooms are very cold, but somewhat warmer than Refrigerators.

3. Manhunter #34 -- Maybe its the long wait, but I've been disappointed by the first, new Manhunter arc. A little too trite for my tastes, especially the "You are blowing an undercover investigation!" bit.

Hercules Explains It All To You.

2008-09-04T04:11:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering whether a slut needs to die after she has sex, Hercules has your answer.

From Hercules: The Thracian Wars #5.

Yes, that is completely in content. Hercules has sex with her, and then he kills her, and draws an explicit connection between the two acts.

Nine Stupid Questions About DCU: Last Will and Testament

2008-09-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

A continuing series in which I embarrass myself by asking stupid questions, so that you don't have to!

1. So, if I understand correctly (and I might not!) Final Crisis #3 ends with the Anti-Life Virus released, so that soon everyone will turn into a "Darkseid Zombie for Libra" when they open their e-mails. How, exactly, is this the Last Night Before We All Die? Does Geo-Force know he's going to have to check his e-mail as some point? Shouldn't they be out fighting Zombies or something?

2. Wasn't Batman captured in Final Crisis and taken into outer space. Why is he out "swinging" with Robin and Nightwing?

3. Wasn't Superman "Beyond" in Final Crisis? Why is he chatting with Pa Kent in Smallville?

4. Wasn't Hal Jordan arrested and standing trial for an attack on John Stewart? Why is he hanging out with Wally?

5. Isn't Wonder Woman already a mindless Zombie? Why is she in a graveyard with Donna?

6. Is this Geo-Force story just the story that Meltzer was building up to during his run of Justice League, but never got the finish, and not really a "Final Crisis" story at all?

7. What was the significance of Beast Boy's Bible being in Rocky's confessional?

8. How long is "DCU Years" has in been between the death of Terra in the early 1980s and Geo-Force's plan for revenge in 2008?

9. What is Geo-Force's name in Markovia, and what does it really mean?

New School Year

2008-09-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

The elder two Raggirls start school tomorrow, which is good, because I think they are starting to get on each other's nerves. This generally takes the form of them playing Superheroes, and then knocking each other over.

Yesterday, the trio were (in chronological order) "Inside-Out Woman", "Battle Girl", and "Booster Baby." The fought the bad guys, and then -- inevitably --- started turning on each other. Of course, I have to keep myself from laughing through the whole thing, because somewhere along the line, the Raggirl have invented the verb "To Crimefight."

As in: "Mommy! Battle Girl crimefighted me!"

Or: "Tell Inside-Out Woman to stop crimefighting me!"

Anyway, anecdote aside, school year means earlier bedtimes, and maybe more free time for me to start blogging again. I'm going to try to get on a regular schedule (I have no idea what "regular" means, though).

So, stay tuned for upcoming posts I already have planned on Atalanta, Killing Sluts, and an intense focus on Huntress's (Helena Wayne's) lack of underpants during times when she should not, in fact, be wearing underpants.

Short Thoughts

2008-07-28T08:14:00.001-07:00

1. Dan Dare. Best mini-series I've read in the last few months. If you haven't read it, the books are starting to come out. Good and solid in a way that makes you want to be British. (I am not, in any way, British, but I like to pretend that I am sometimes because my great grandmother was born there, while her parents were half-way through emigrating from Romania to America.)

Pictured above is Lt. Christian, the real star of "Dan Dare." Dan Dare, of course, is also a star, but in kind of the way that William Shatner was the star of "Star Trek: The Motion Picture."

After a while, even if you are the "original," it still comes off like a cover version when The Rolling Stones sings "Hope I die before I get old" at 60 year olds. The character of "Dan Dare" was originally called "Lex Christian," which sets up Lt. Christian as "more original than the original."

2. Trinity. I like it a lot. I have no complaints. I don't think it's "too slow" or "too boring." I like the back-up stories. I always like Gangbuster, for example, and they all actually do fit into the plot. I seem to be in a Minority of One here. But then, how many blogs do I read of people who actual would list "Superman" in their top 10 super-heroes. Not many. But he's in mine.

3. Diana Price Vol. 2! For someone who can't stand reading those Black and White Archives, my collection of Wonder Woman between, say, the end of World War II and the 1986 was kind of sparse -- consisting only of Volume 1. This is a good thing.

4. I don't care if it's Spider-Man fighting The Human Flame when they first met in Amazing Spider-Man in the early 1960s, or Black Canary fighting Manhunter in last week's Birds of Prey #120, it NEVER works to have good guys fighting each other. You have to make them both act out of character.

Superhero Camp -- Just Like The Justice League

2008-07-21T11:30:00.001-07:00

Medium Raggirl returned today from her first day of "Drama Camp." There is a different theme for each week, and this week's theme is "Superheroes."

No surprisingly, I guess, Medium Raggirl was the only girl of the seven kids signed up.

This wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but we were a little concerned how she would take it. The first day, though, went very well. She has created her persona as Wonder Raggirl. (No relation to Donna or Cassie.) Her character has antennae, and the power to "confuse" the bad guys.

After getting a number of additional superheroic details, we tried to subtly inquire as to whether it was a problem that there were no other boys in the class. "No, it's fine," she responded. "That means I get to have a boy as a sidekick!"

Good for her.

Action Reconciliation

2008-07-15T13:29:00.000-07:00

Action #865 -- The Toyman may seem to be different, inconsistent characters, but there is only one real Toyman. The others were just life-like toys made by the real Toyman.

Action #867 -- Brainiac may seem to be different, inconsistent characters, but there is only one real Brainiac. The others were just life-life creations made by the real Brainiac.

I look forward to future Action comics addressing different different, inconsistent characters, who turn out to just be creations made by the 'real' villain.

Maybe You DO Need A Weatherman To Know Which Way The Wind Blows

2008-07-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Ma and Pa Kent,

You are certainly very good parents to your son Clark, but your basic farming skills need to be improved. As is very clear from Action #866, you have failed to notice that your weather vane is busted. Only the ROOSTER is supposed to turn in the wind. If the whole darned thing turns, then -- as you can see -- the rooster is always pointing "West" no matter which way the wind is coming from.

Strange Attractors: Adam Strange -- Hair Magnet

2008-07-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

So, was anyone else's enjoyment of Rann/ Thanagar: Holy War #3 diminished by the distraction of (Captain) Comet's hair being magnetically attracted to Adam Strange for the entire issue?

It didn't matter when Adam was to Comet's left:

Or Comet's right:

Or directly in front:

Comet's hair sought him out like True North.

NOT a Top 10 Obscure SF Book

2008-06-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

So, I was looking through the nominations for "Top 10 Oscure F/SF Book," and I couldn't help but think about a book that would make my own list, even though I really can't remember much about it.

I was a young teen, and saw a book that was based on a video game that I had once played at a friend's house (we only had an old Atari 2600 -- not something that could play more advanced games.) The book was called "Planetfall," and the cover said, "In the Bestselling Tradition of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." Well, I had enjoyed Hitchhiker, and I would certainly be interested in another book in that "Bestselling Tradition"! (Yes, I know that the phrase 'bestselling tradition' makes no sense, but it actually helped sell the book to young-teen me, so I guess it doesn't matter that it didn't make any sense.)

Anyway, the character in the video game (and in the book) is wearing a space suit for the entire time, so there is essentially no physical description of the hero. (Ignore the fact that he's not wearing gloves over his white hands on the cover.) Anyway, over 100 pages into the book, the character is in an atmosphere for the first time, and takes off his space suit, and there's a sentence about how the light fell on his "ebony skin" or something, and I thought, "Hey, the guy I've been reading about for over 100 pages is black!" I guess I hadn't thought of it much before, and I don't think it came up again the book. At the time, though, I remember thinking "No he isn't!" and looking back at the white hands on the cover -- because, of course, the cover artist would know the REAL physical description, not the author.

Anyway, it hadn't really occurred to me that I really only read science fiction books about white men (leaving aside Uhura and Sulu) before I "accidentally" read a book about a character who wasn't. Not a good book, but the first one that made me actually pay attention to who I was reading about.

Stupid Question

2008-06-11T13:53:00.001-07:00

So, now having read (out of intended order, I assume), Salvation Run #7, JLA #21, and Final Crisis #1, am I supposed to know how Martian Manhunter got off of the prison planet and back to Earth?

Against The Trinity

2008-06-10T06:29:00.000-07:00

Scipio has made an eloquent argument in favor of the Trinity of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman. And while I think he made his case eloquently, I couldn't help but cringe at the "sit at a four-legged table versus a three-legged one, and ask yourself which one wobbles more." Sure, but who wants to read a story about a table that DOESN'T wobble?

Sure, there are iconic trinities, but much more "iconic" symbolism falls into Fours: The Four Seasons, The Four Elements. It is also the configuration of two sets of two played off against each other: crescent, gibbous, waxing, waning. The two sides of the X and Y axes giving four quadrants.

Also, even for each element that Scipio correctly argues is a set of "Three", there is the missing "Un"-element. The unasking of the question. The Trinity give you the three possible parenting arrangements, but what about the character for whom parentage simply isn't an issue, or is fluid? The one who looks at the spectrum of values, and decides that it is not the proper spectrum to be considering?

When I started writing this post, I didn't really have an idea who the fourth member of the Tetrology should be. "Green Lantern" or "The Flash" seemed like likely choices, or maybe a legacy to distinguish "new" from "old." But the more I typed, the more obvious it became.

"Superman, always super; Wonder Woman, super in costume and normal without; Batman, always normal." Sure, but Guy Gardner doesn't care. If he's got a Power Ring, then great! If he doesn't, he's got internal Vuldarian powers! If he gets his ring back, he becomes human again, and Vuldarians go away. Guy Gardner defies your powered/unpowered tri-ality (that's duality + one). Whether he has "superpowers" or a "power ring" or is just fist fighting in an alley, the nature of the power is just not an important question.

The city, the country, the city-state -- and the universe!
Focus, restraint, and balance -- and chaos!
Admiration, fear, respect -- and who freakin' cares, I'm freakin' Guy Gardner!

So, in my view, the Trinity could be improved with the addition of Guy Gardner, specifically BECAUSE he'll make the three-legged table wobble.

Crazy runs in the family

2008-06-09T14:53:00.001-07:00

I don't watch Lost. Actually, I don't watch much TV at all that doesn't star "Dora" or "Blue" or "Big Bird."

But I know that some people who read my blog like "Lost." In that vein, I would like to report that my cousin is potentially more insane than I am, in that she has made an entire Lost Quilt, available for viewing in all its amazingly intricate details (none of which make any sense to me) at lostquilt.blogspot.com.

It's almost enough to make me want to go buy the DVDs to see what the quilt is all about!

The New "Justice League" Lineup

2008-06-09T07:33:00.000-07:00

James Robinson talks about the new JLA spin-off "Justice League" in a Wizard interview.

Now, I understand that talking about team lineups can be silly before the first issue comes out (see, Batman and the Outsiders), and is even silly after the books start coming out (JLA had a different lineup for every arc, practically.) But, nonetheless, the line-up is.

1. Green Lantern (Hal Jordan)
2. Green Arrow
3. Atom (Ray Palmer)
4. Supergirl
5. Captain Marvel
6. Batwoman
7. Starman (Blue JLAlien Version)
8. Congorilla.

If they were going for a "patriotic" brand of diversity (one red (or ruddy) ape, six white heroes, and a blue guy), they've got the colors of the American flag down pretty well. If they were looking for a brand that included more types of Americans (or Earthlings), you've got to imagine that Black Lighning has another daughter hidden somewhere. Actual, I don't think Thunder is officially an Outsider, so she's free.

Also, Mr. Terrific, I believe, has the magical ability to appear in every single team book simultaneously, so he's an easy one. Also recommended would be Hawkgirl, Fire from Checkmate, or a member of the Great Ten from China (August General in Iron is already crossing over in Checkmate).

Trinities and anti-Trinities: Boys and Their Games

2008-06-06T06:46:00.000-07:00

What was most surprising to me in this week's comics was that in such a solid week (JSA! Manhunter! Devi!), my favorite was Trinity #1.

Now, as a non-Christian, I am sure that I am missing tons of Trinity imagery. My history of never having read the Christian bible severely limited my ability to succeed as an English major in college (I always missed the Christ imagery!) and also made me look like a moron at other cultural events. ("'Jesus Christ Superstar' is just a huge rip-off of 'Tommy.'" "No, Ragtime, Tommy just has a lot of Christ imagery.")

One thing that bugged me though was "Boys and Their Games," which was the title, and referred to Diana's lumping Bruce and Clark together is their "Secret Identities." She says that she has a "Private Identity," but that she acts the same whether she's Diana Prince of Wonder Woman, while Bruce and Clark have different personalities as Batman and Superman.

I think Diana's being too simplistic here, and is eliding over the main reason that I have always far preferred Superman to Batman. Diana's summary is perfectly applicable to Batman. The entire "Bruce Wayne" persona is a show. He acts like the idiot billionaire playboy to throw off suspicions. Bruce isn't actually like that at all.

Clark is different. When he is in his secret identity as Clark Kent, he isn't putting on a show. Maybe that's how he was portrayed in the Golden Age, and to a lesser extent in the original Superman movie -- as playing Clark as a bumbling fool so no one would realize that he's "really" Superman under the glasses. But the current Superman -- and the one for at least the last 20 years -- is the one who is "really" Clark Kent.

Now, it's too simplistic to say that Clark is the "opposite" of Bruce. That he's Clark when he's not pretending and just "acting" like a superhero. I think it's more like having different sides of personality come through in the different spheres of your life. I don't act the same with my clients in my "law world" and I do with the Ragkids in my "home world." And it's not that I'm "acting like a lawyer" or "acting like a parent," even though looking at the two sides, you'd have to figure that they couldn't both be the "Real Me." In the same way, reporter Clark would naturally act differently than superhero Kal El. "Clark" isn't a game he plays, and its why Lois nicknames him "Smallville." He really IS the farm boy/ boy scout/ hick as well.

Anyway, I was disappointed that Diana blended together the two points that make me love Superman, but be largely indifferent toward Batman.

Anyway, things I liked:

1. Sitting around the table chatting. Maybe I'm the only one who really likes those scenes (like in the last JLA), but I really do.

2. Alternate realities. I'm also a big fan of alternate reality stories where Green Arrow and Speedy protect Gotham, and Lois Lane is apparently a chain-smoking elf. Just enough hints to get me excited.

3. The Enigma guy, and his interactions with Morgan le Fay. Am I supposed to know who he is?

4. The idea of the new anti-Trinity. Scipio asks to come up with our own Trinity. Personally, I've always thought that the recurring Superhero technique of "switching enemies" should be able to work just as well for bad guys. So, I'd assign Doomsday to take out Batman, the Joker to defeat Superman, and . . . maybe ("classic") Darkseid for Wonder Woman.

I started out choosing Ares for Superman and the Joker for Diana, but then i remembered that Diana actually did fight the Joker in Wonder Woman #97, during her "I'm not really Wonder Woman any more" eras) with one of the most Mishugenah resolutions I recall in a Wonder Woman comic.

4. Most importantly, lots of stuff actually happening. (Unlike, say, Countdown #51).

8 Stupid Questions About Final Crisis #1

2008-05-29T13:24:00.001-07:00

[If you are one of the four people who read my blog, you know that I don't give spoiler warnings or anything, and you should just assume I am spoiling your book. The same goes here.]

1. Okay, so for those of us who read Countdown and the Death of the Fourth World stuff, Lightray dies in Countdown 51, and everyone else dies over the next year, except for Orion who kills Darkseid. So every single one of the new gods is dead except for Orion, who is on the verge of death after killing his father. So when they find Orion in a dumpster, suddenly its deicide and the Alpha Lanterns show up and its a big deal? Does everyone already know that he died because of his fight with Darkseid? Investigating now has a little bit of a horse/barn door quality to it. Why wasn't Lightray a Code 1011?

2. Speaking of which, is it relevant that the "1011 in Progress" occurs on pages 10 and 11?

3. From consecutive panels: "But consider his youth, Prime Monitor Tahoteh!" and "We are multiversal monitors, ancient and wise!" How can the monitors be both all be "ancient," and different ages so that some are "youths"?

4. Is Weeja Dell the Smurfette monitor (the only female Monitor?) Is she the only female Monitor for the sole purpose of allowing them to have an inter-Monitor heterosexual love story?

5. So, I understand why The Human Flame (and the others) need Libra, but why, exactly, does Libra need the Human Flame?

6. So, is Anthro supposed to be Charlton Heston from Planet of the Apes or what?

7. "Justice League Condition Amber?"

8. Who's that guy on the last page?

"Fight Me Jimmy!"

2008-05-29T06:58:00.001-07:00

The Raggirls (well, the older two), have discovered Webkinz. I had heard they were evil, and held off as long as I could, but moms I respect started saying it was OK, so we eventually caved in.

Medium Raggirl has a kangaroo that she named "Jimmy." The main effect of this has been my repeatedly picking up the kangaroo and yelling "Fight Me Jimmy!" in my worst fake-Irish accent every chance I get. The Raggirls think I'm weird, anyway, so I don't even ask me to explain the Star Trek reference.

Until last week, MR was exploring the "clubhouses" area of Webkinz World, and saw that two of the options were "Boys Only" and "Girls Only" clubhouses. She asked me which one was appropriate for her, since MR's a girl, but Jimmy is a boy. After looking at it for a while, it appears that it never occurred to the Webkinz World people that a child would have an other-gender Webkinz. The assumption was that everyone would be like Eldest Raggirl (a very "girly" girl with a overly feminine Webkinz pony named "Mascara"), or, I guess, boys with boy Dragons named "Butch.")

I'm not saying that a kid's site needs a room for transgendered Webkinz or anything, but it seems odd to assume that no one would ever decide to assign their toy the other gender.

I Do Not Have HBO.

2008-05-29T06:45:00.000-07:00

I just don't. I'm not morally opposed to it or anything. I have Verizon FiOS with 10 gazillion basic-cable type channel, chock full of kids channels in the low-200s (Noggin, Sprout, Playhouse Disney, etc.). Gobs of sports. Generic movies. About 70 music channels. (It's like radio! But on TV! Without music videos!) Sci Fi. BBC America. Gay. Westerns. Womens. Comedy.

But I have never seen an episode of Sex in the City. Or the Sopranos. Or Six Feet Under. Or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Or Entourage. My parents seem to have some sort of "only HBO" cable system, because whenever we speak they always ask me if I'm seen the last episode of some show or other, and I always respond, "No. I don't get HBO."

I think the news reporters must have the same cable package my parents do, because whenever there's a TV show headline, its about some HBO show I haven't seen.

Maybe I need to find a new media outlet. Something with headlines like "Suspense builds over whether Fuffa will eat the cookie she found on the ground in new Yo Gabba Gabba" or "Dora or Diego? Four year olds sound off!" (The Raggirls seem to have decided that Dora is for little kids, and they now prefer Diego. As far as I can tell, the shows are identical.)

My media consumption, meanwhile, is substantially constrained by my failure to care about what is happening on HBO.

Short Reviews on Last Wednesday's Books

2008-05-27T14:26:00.000-07:00

Checkmate #26: Not enough cast of Checkmate. Too much Six Million Dollar Man. Too many unidentified, stereotyped Iraqis. Perfect amount of Bear on Bear fighting.

Batman and the Outsiders #7

I just can't look at this without thinking its taken from some sort of porn shot, with Rex as the "girl" (lying down, instead of pressed up against a wall), and the zombies as the gropey-guys. Actually, I'd be kind of impressed if it really was taken from a porn picture.

Birds of Prey #118

Not an impressive Birds of Prey story, but the best Darkseid/ Granny Goodness story I can remember reading.

Dresden Files #2

That Will Rogers girl better be an undercover something or other. Otherwise, she's the most stereotyped damsel-in-distress I've read in a long time.

Catwoman #79

The last few issues made me more comfortable with the thought that this book would be canceled. Now I am sad again.

Brave and the Bold #13

Batman says "Yes, sir" to Jay Garrick.

Justice League #16

Not enough Trinity sitting around chatting. Too much Red Arrow/ Hawkgirl stuff. Justice League should just be Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman chatting. It could be set up like "Face The Nation." What does Batman think about the crisis in Myanmar? Is Wonder Woman supporting Clinton or Obama? Um . . . I can't really think of any issue where I would care about Superman's opinion.

Echo #3

I really, really like #1 and #2, and #3 set up #4 very well, but this issue just kind of struck me as "filler."

How I Would End The Blue & Gold Arc

2008-05-19T06:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it's pretty obvious right from the beginning (and even before) that "saving Ted Kord" was going to turn out to be as a disaster. Without Ted's untimely demise, the heroes are not tipped off about Max Lord, his plan proceeds, and the OMACs end up taking over. We could have all seen that coming.

This is all leading up to Booster's belated realization that he has to go back and let Ted die, or else it all goes horribly wrong, (not to mention the fact that the whole Jaime Reyes thing never happens).

So, here's how it should go: Booster and Beetle go back in time to the moment that Booster stops Max from saving Ted, and while now-Booster pulls then-Booster away, now-Ted takes the bullet aimed for then-Ted. Then we can have a dead Ted AND an alive Ted.

Case solved.

And don't give me that time-paradox crap. This is a world where they can go to the endpoint of time, and sometimes people are there and sometimes there aren't, so I don't buy the paradox argument.

12 Pages

2008-05-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

12 Pages.

That's how many pages of today's 22 page Gotham Underground #8 are devoted to Batman fighting the Vigilante. All but a few of those pages were wordless, and the rest had only stock phrases from the Batman lexicon (of the "Not in my town!" variety.) I'm pretty sure he dispatched a whole legion of White Martian more expeditiously in JLA.

The other 10 pages were a meeting between Penguin and Mr. Stitches. I had no problem with those 10 games.

Anyone considering paying for Gotham Undergound, however, should seriously consider how much they are willing to pay for 12 pages of a single, wordless fight. Also, if you were tempted by Spoiler on the cover, there are no appearances by Spoiler in #8 -- a fact that they actually point out in the book.

Dear Senator Obama,

2008-05-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Senator Obama,

As you are aware, I did not vote for you in the primary elections, and I gave money to your opponent. I am sure you know this, because I did not hear from you during my state's primary election, while Sen. Clinton and her friends called me regularly.

Senator Obama, you obviously know me well enough to know that I am not a sore loser, and will cast my vote for you in the general election, because I am not the sort to stay home, and I have not voted for a Republican in any race -- state, local, or federal -- since the Philadelphia mayor race in 1999, and that was really a one-time thing that I have since regretted.

Perhaps you have not had the same historic primary experiences I did, but Senators Harkin, Bradley, and Edwards can inform you that I have NEVER supported the winning candidate in a contested Democratic primary, and I nonetheless voted for Clinton, Gore, and Kerry without a second thought.

This weekend, however, something changed in our relationship. Perhaps you have decided that the primary race is over, or perhaps you just got your hands on some Democratic Campaign Committee phone list, but in the last three days, I have had to fend off numerous calls from your supporters asking me for money to defeat Senator McCain.

Perhaps the end of the relationship with Senator Clinton is too recent and the wounds are too raw, but I am not willing to give you my money at the moment. Maybe I will feel differently after Senator Clinton concedes, or after you have enough official delegates, or after the convention. But I'm feeling a little like Persephone in the Odyssey. The corpse isn't cold yet (or, like Ulysses, even actually dead), and the new suitors are already lining up asking for my hand and wallet.

I never really swooned to your "message," and I never quite figured out what what your platitudes like "You are the change you seek" actually meant. Are we all supposed to write in our own names on the ballot, so that the election ends in a 300-million way tie? I know I have many friends who think you are a breath of fresh air and a break from the old ways, and whatever. I just don't see it. You struck me as having essentially identical views as Senator Clinton, and I found HER more inspiring, not you.

Now like I said, I'm still going to vote for you. You don't need to worry that I'll take my Lunch Bucket and go home. I just need some time. And space. Please stop calling me.

Thanks,
Ragtime

Anyone want to talk about House of Mystery #1?

2008-05-07T10:51:00.000-07:00

Specifically "The Hollows" -- Hungry Sally's 4-page Story-Within-The-Story.

I guess people usually write blog posts giving a review or telling people their opinions. I don't know what my opinion is, though, so I am asking for suggestions:

Grotesquely and offensively obscene?

Grotesquely fascinating?

Social commentary?

Shock horror?

A feminist parable satirizing women's willful blindness and acceptance of their second-class status in marriage?

An anti-feminist rant abusing women for no apparent purpose?

Something else? I'm open to suggestions that I completely missed the point by any well meaning entomologists in the audience . . .

Now, if we can just get this coconut up to the speed of light . . .

2008-05-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

When putting Medium Raggirl -- who is having the Mad Science fifth birthday party -- to bed last night, she asked me one of the most profound scientific questions of all time.

"Can you explain to me whether electrons are Waves or Pineapples?"

And hence bedtime was delayed by 10 minutes for a full explanation of the Wave/Pineapple Duality, in which an electron can move throw two slits simultaneously, like a wave, but if careful observations are taken, the electron will miraculously transform into a tropical fruit, which can only pass through one slit at a time.

Note To Self

2008-05-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

When reading a comic book written in a foreign language, with the translation in the back (like, say, Blue Beetle), it is best not to try to read it while eating lunch in an Indian restaurant. You will be flipping back and forth a lot, and will likely end up with Palaak Paneer on your shirt.

Best to read Devi instead. It is my favorite current monthly, has an Indian hero to go with the Indian food, and requires much less flipping.

It is nice when your lunch options and reading selections align. Blue Beetle should be saved for Fajita night.

So Excited

2008-05-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I have never been excited about birthday parties for the Raggirls.

Best case scenario is they ask for a Gym Party with a princess theme. Then, we rent out the My Gym for a party, watch the kids swing on zip lines and do forward rolls, then give them a piece of Cinderella on a cake and usher them all out. The several hundred dollar expense is the fee for keeping the kids the hell out of the house.

Worst case scenario is that we have to clean the house, buy the food, entertain the kiddies, and have the whole mishpachah over for several hours.

Which is why I was so happy when we asked Medium Raggirl what she wanted for her fifth birthday, and she said that she wanted a "Mad Science Party." (She is a huge Franny K. Stein fan.)

Does such a theme exist? Why yes it does. We are having "Mad Science of New Jersey" come to the house and put on an hour-long interactive show for about a dozen 5 year old girls.

They tell us that the theme will be "Polymers." I have no idea what that will mean. But for the first time, I am actually looking forward to a Raggirl's birthday party!

Stupid Questions #0: The DC Universe #0 Edition

2008-05-01T07:14:00.000-07:00

1. Aren't the rogues all about to be turned into Parademons programmed to serve evil Darkseid, who -- by the way -- is dead? How are they all hanging out with Mr. Zodiac Guy?

2. How much of the Legion of Superheroes do I have to know to follow this Superman plot line? I know some early 1960s stuff, and I read the first few (pre-Supergirl) trades of the new series, and I had no idea what I was supposed to be getting out of that.

3. If we hadn't been spoiled by the newspaper articles, was it obvious that Barry Allen was back, rather than, say Bart? Or Max Mercury? (Is Max Mercury dead?)

4. How, exactly, did Barry Allen die? Was it from running to fast? Was it the anti-matter cannon? How did he die in such a way that everyone kept seeing him? I never really understood that.

5. "Someone is trying to kill Batman" is a plot line? I thought that was the entire basis of the series.

6. Isn't the point of a 50 cent comic to encourage people to read what comes next by providing an interesting story, rather than by providing something so confusing that you need to read the rest to try to figure out what the heck you just read?

Here, Here for Hereville

2008-04-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

One of the webcomics that I used to follow is being published on real paper, and since that's how I prefer it anyway, I will definitely be buying a copy of Barry Deutsch's Hereville. For those who are not familiar with Barry Deutsch, he hosts a political website called "Alas, A Blog," which is always interesting and well-considered, even if they all are way to the left of a regular, Middle-of-the-Road Democrat like me.

A review of the Hereville comic by someone who read the whole thing is here. The comic is called "How Mirka Got Her Sword," and is about a young Orthodox Jewish girl who sets out to slay dragons, which has all the elements that my little Raggirls will love, and looks to be the first comic book to crack our Bedtime Story Ritual since The Courageous Princess.

The first 22 pages are available for free at Hereville.com. The above page is page 11 of the story, and my personal favorite.

Wonder Woman #19: Working to Close The Disconnect

2008-04-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

So, you know how Batman tries to protect the people of Gotham city, and it is his success if Gotham's water supply isn't poisoned, and it is his failure if a single Gothamite is murdered?

You know how Superman tries to protect Metropolis, and the Flash protects his city, and Manhunter protects her city? You know how much it sucks when your entire city blows up?

Well, it's really easy to come up with villains for superheroes who want to protect their city from harm. Intergang has rigged a series of bombs that will explode in the heart of Metropolis, and only Superman can save the day! Superman saves the day, and that's his job.

When the Flash stops one of his Rogues, he's doing his job.

Wonder Woman is different. What is her mission? It's not to protect Paradise Island, or Boston, or wherever the heck her embassy was. It's not really to fight bad guys, the same way Batman's or Manhunter's is.

Wonder Woman's mission has always been -- in some form or another -- to be Paradise Island's Ambassador of Peace in Man's World. Sound's great, but what does that actually mean? Who is your enemy? How do you know when you are actually doing your job? In 1942, it meant "Fight Nazis!" After 1945, though, it got a little murkier.

When the Silver Swan swoops in, or the Cheetah attacks, putting down these assaults are a distraction from pursuing her mission of peace, they are not the mission itself. So, does she ever actually DO her mission?

Well, once Diana called a Peace Conference on Paradise Island, and was thwarted by Eris, the goddess of Discord, who -- as best as I can recall -- somehow turned Wonder Woman into a tree until Lois Lane rescued her. I'm a little fuzzy on the details, and this cover image isn't sparking my memory much.

Okay, that's a fair take. A lot like fighting Ares, you are the emissary of Peace, you fight a big fight with the goddess of Discord, the embodiment of your opposite, and your peace summit is a "success" (whatever that means). Good for you. Have you actually caused any peace in Man's world?

Not so much.

Maybe I'm just being a Circe sympathizer, but when she accused Diana of traipsing around fighting supervillains, instead of actually helping people she kind of had a point. And that's not even counting the "very special Blossom" issues about teenage suicide and whatnot.

So, okay, being the Ambassador of Peace can mean fighting the god of War or Eris. But the irony of "fighting for peace" has to wear through pretty quickly. Who should a good Wonder Woman villain be?

Well, hey! Look at Wonder Woman #19.

A Green Lantern, intent on an all-out war against the Khund. What is Wonder Woman's mission? To be an Ambassador of Peace. How can she accomplish this? By convincing the Green Lantern to oppose the war. How does she do this? By beating him up, and then offering her hand while she allows him to beat her up.

"You shame me," the Green Lantern says.

"That was not my intent," Diana responds. A small lie, of course. She knew he had honor and could be shamed. Otherwise, she would not have allowed herself to be beaten after she had already won the fight.

A make-shift peace conference, some off-screen Etta-action, and some sort of new sub-section to the Book of Oa about part-time work, job sharing, and emergency family leave, and . . .

Holy Coherent Narrative Structures, Batman! The Ambassador of Peace to Man's World has actually gone out into man's world and acted as an ambassador of peace.

What will Gail think of next?

Should Batman kill the Joker?

2008-04-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

Blog@ asks if Batman should kill the Joker because the Joker is crazy, keeps killing people, and cannot be contained.

The answer, of course, is "No," and not just because "Batman doesn't kill."

No, Batman shouldn't kill the Joker because we can be pretty certain that he would quickly come back to life somehow, and we shouldn't be willing to take the risk of finding out what happens when an already-crazy person is thrown into a Lazarus Pit.

The New Five Dollar Bill

2008-04-04T08:43:00.001-07:00

Apparently, we will be getting a new five dollar bill. A picture of the back is above. The most obvious change (the big, honkin', purple 5 on an American Greenback) raises the question:

Have America's financial crises been instigated by:

A. George W. Bush's failure to promote a strong dollar policy;

B. The Joker's spraying the U.S. Mint with Joker Venom, which turns the currency Purple and Green, and plasters a little smile onto President Lincoln's dead lips:

C. Lex Luthor, whose identical trademark colors signify that he is in the process of staging a coup and re-taking the White House through control of the currency.

Rose Wilson Is A Penis

2008-04-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

At least, that appears to be how Ravager is being classified in the most recent Teen Titans.

Am I reading too much into this?

1. Wonder Girl begins by describing Ravager with a clearly phallic metaphor.

2. The Clock King (or whoever the lame villain is), is torturing Kid Devil, and as part of his psychological assault, he tells him that Ravager isn't coming to rescue him. What does he say?

"Not a glint nor a flicker . . ."

Glint nor a flicker? What a very odd turn of phrase here. Kind of jumps out at you, unless, of course, Ravager is being compared to legendary "dirty comics" character CLINT FLICKER, which, when the L and I are blurred together, gives you another penis reference.

3. Once you get started though, its hard to stop. Rose's rogue gallery in this issue -- Dreadbolt, Copperhead, and the Persuader -- the first two are kind of self-explanatory, but even "The Persuader is listed in Naming of Parts: Gender, Culture, and Terms for the Penis among American College Students as a bona fide slang term for -- yep -- Penis.

So, there you have it. Former villain, struggling hero, current member of the Teen Titans is a penis, is called a penis, and she has to fight off a bunch of evil penises to save the day.

So, Rose. You've just been compared to a phallus for 22 pages. Do you have a reaction?

Hmm.

"This Book Is Just a Big Lie"

2008-04-01T07:46:00.000-07:00

Scene: Sunday at the Barnes & Noble. I am reading to the Raggirls a book that I think all three of them will enjoy.

Me: "George was a very curious monkey, but he always seemed to be getting into trouble . . ."

Eldest Raggirl: He doesn't have a tail.

Medium Raggirl: Yeah, he doesn't have a tail!

Me: What?

ER: He doesn't have a tail.

Me: He doesn't have a tail. So?

MR: Monkeys have tails. If it doesn't have a tail, its not a monkey.

ER: Yeah. I learned that in school. If he doesn't have a tail, George is an ape, not a monkey.

Me: So, Curious George is an ape?

ER: Yes, but it says that he was a curious "monkey." This book is just a big lie.

Disillusioned by literature, Eldest and Medium Raggirl wandered away. Youngest Raggirl, being less than 2 years old, was less concerned about the Ape/ Monkey distinction, and continued to enjoy the story.

Inaction Speaks Louder Than Silence

2008-03-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Listed without comment, 10 comic books I have purchased recently, but have not yet read (in roughly reverse chronological order):

1. Avengers Classic #10
2. Simon Dark #6
3. Raven #1
4. Superpowers #1
5. Infinity, Inc. #7
6. Green Arrow/ Black Canary #6
7. Eva, The Vampire Diva #3
8. That Search for Ray Palmer with the Communist Superman
9. 2007 Infinite Halloween issue
10. Eat The Dead, Virgin One-Shot

FYI, I have been reading Marvel Masterworks, Spider-Man, Volume 2 instead. Mostly for that oh-so-conflicted Flash Thompson.

Charlie Brown: "Nice Guy"

2008-03-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

We all remember Charlie Brown as the put-upon shmoe -- couldn't kick the football, snubbed by the cute little red-headed girl, getting a rock in his Halloween candy.

The truth is, though, that Charlie Brown was only getting what was coming to him. The self-centered ass deserved to have the ball pulled away, and the cute little red-haired girl was too good for him, and she knew it. And he was lucky it was just a rock!

Here are a few strips from the early years of Peanuts. If you don't have the back story, you might sympathize with ol' Chuck and his latter day woes. But as a careful reader knows, Charlie Brown may have been whining that the girls were off with the other guys instead of a "nice guy" like him, but Charlie Brown simply was not good boyfriend material.

Talk about high maintenance!

(As should be clear here, eldest Raggirl has taken a fancy to Classic Peanuts, and I have been furnishing her with the Fantagraphics volumes as she requests them. Unbeknownst to her, I am happy to buy them because I get to read them myself! She just turned 7 and is already up to Volume 3 [1955-1956]. The strips from this post and the last one are from Volume 2.)

Everything I Ever Needed To Know I Learned From Lucy Van Pelt, Part I

2008-03-23T14:51:00.000-07:00

In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross famously "introduced" the 5 stages of Grief in her landmark "On Death and Dying." The five stages are:

1. Denial;
2. Anger;
3. Bargaining;
4. Depression;
5. Acceptance.

Fans of Peanuts were already well acquainted with the Five Stages of Grief, in order, as expressed by Lucy van Pelt in May of 1952.

Thank you Ms. Kubler-Ross, but Lucy has you beaten by 17 years.

Good Comics Scrabble Move

2008-03-21T07:00:00.001-07:00

I am a Facebook Scrabble addict.

My biggest problem in playing is my assumption that various words from Green Lantern are actual Scrabble words. (No 'Oa' or 'Abin').

But it is all better now that I got a Bingo across two Double Word Scores (90 points!) for "ANTILIFE."

Darkseid would be proud!

Stupid Question #8

2008-03-20T08:00:00.001-07:00

Is young, hip, skinny Etta hopping around Khund planet with Wonder Woman still married to Steve Trevor like she was back in WW v.2? Steve was still pretty "mature" back WW #1. Have they gone from peers to a May/December romance due to assymetrical aging? Or is new-Etta single again, or perhaps a different person entirely (cousins . . . identical cousins . . .)

Also, why has there never been a Steve Trevor/ Hal Jordan team-up? Do they even know each other from their respective Air Force days? Those two seem like potential best friends who haven't met.

Anyway, the Green Latern at the end of WW#18 played all sorts of combinations in my head. While Hal and Steve are having a guys night out, Etta is confronted by Star Sapphire . . .

Gotham Underground: The Spoiler Better Than the Spoiler

2008-03-19T08:37:00.001-07:00

I understand that lots of people have made a big deal about the death of Spoiler, and how its entirely unfair that she didn't get a memorial case in the Batcave. I actually agree, but in a mild kind of way, the same way that I agree that, for example, the cast of JSA should be half the size, and that Sasha Bourdeaux and Michael Holt make a cute couple. If you are going to insist on watering down Obsidian, or breaking up Mr. Terrific, I will sigh and move on.

What has got me worked up much more than the brutal death and posthumous disrespect of Spoiler is the poor treatment of her assumed "killer" in the War Crimes arc -- Dr. Leslie Tompkins. Dr. Tompkins has been a long-time bat ally who completely disapproves of Bruce's conduct because she is a complete pacifist, and strong believer in non-violence, and believes that while Batman's goals are worthy, the use of violence to carry them out will end up being counterproductive.

I don't actually agree with Dr. Tompkins, but she had been consistently portrayed with the same viewpoint -- in flashbacks all the way back to Bruce Wayne's childhood.

Which is why -- far more than Black Mask's torture of Spoiler -- Dr. Tompkin's motive of "by letting Spoiler die, I can show Bruce the error of his ways" is beyond the pale. Dr. Tompkins would not slap a killer to save a room full of babies. And yet, she'd let a hero die for some abstruse moral argument? Didn't buy it. Letting that decision stand is FAR move unbelievable than Batman deciding that Spoiler wasn't a "real" Robin.

So, with all the rumors about the "Return of Spoiler," I immediately looked past Spoiler herself to the next logical conclusion. If Spoiler isn't really dead, then Dr. Tompkins didn't really kill her! Suddenly, all is well in the world.

And that is why, while everyone is waiting for some sort of big reveal at the end of Gotham Undergound, my resolution was in the last page of #6, with Dick Grayson in mortal danger, and a familiar doctor telling him that everything would be all right . . .

What the heck is wrong with Nemesis?

2008-03-17T08:19:00.000-07:00

Apparently, many people are generally upset that Diana wishes to being a relationship with Nemesis in Wonder Woman #18. I've got two short points and a long point about that.

1. It has been obvious since WW #1, when the Steve Trevor was kidnapped by Wonder Woman rogues turned out to not be Steve Trevor, but in fact Nemesis in disguise, that Nemesis was being set up to be the "new Steve." I am just incapable of working up outrage for something that has been clearly building for two years.

2. Better like this than years and years of "will they or won't they" that leads to an inevitable "will" that destroys all the tension that's been building up.

3. The Long Point. What the hell is wrong with Nemesis? No one really spells it out, other than he's "Not Worthy." What the heck does that mean?

A. He's not worthy because he doesn't have the same power level? Can individuals identified as "Alpha" by the OMACs only date other Alphas? Is the problem that Nemesis is only a Gamma or a Delta on the OMAC-rating scale, and therefore does not pose much of a threat? In choosing a mate, ability to compete worthily in open combat should rank pretty low.

B. He's a smart-ass. Yes, he is. But much more in a Ted Kord kind of a way than in a Guy Gardner kind of way. He's not offensive or degrading. He's friendly. He's a "good guy." He's well intentioned. He just doesn't take things as seriously as Diana does. For a relationship, that's a good thing. I always wondered what Wonder Woman and Trevor Barnes talked about over breakfast, and would imagine the "Sensitive Pony-Tail Guy" scene from the movie "Singles."

C. He's not a well-established character. He's not Batman or John Stewart or Hawkman or Steve Trevor. I understand that if your looking at (i) Superman/Lois Lane; (iii) Mr. Fantastic/ Invisible Woman; (iii) Wonder Woman/ Nemesis, the last option looks a little out of place, but honestly, "fame" is about as bad a proxy for a good relationship as "power level."

I'm certainly not saying that Nemesis is obvious dream-date material, but he certainly has potential, and no obvious disqualifying factors. In the end, Wonder Woman is not required to marry Nemesis at the end of their courtship, and is free to decide that they are or are not compatible (that, historically, has been what "dating" is for.)

I'm happy to wait and see.

UPDATE: It looks like I am not alone. Not that I mind disagreeing with a vast majority, but it's enough to give me pause.

Suicide Squad #6 Passes The Mo Movie Measure

2008-02-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

Always on the look out for a full page that passes the Mo Movie Measure.

The three elements are:

1. Two female characters (here, Twister and Windfall)

2. Who talk to each other (here, a religious conversation)

3. About something besides a man. (the value of pain)

A clean sweep.

And the rest . . .

2008-02-08T11:45:00.000-08:00

Thoughts on the other comics I read this week that I didn't have a post's worth of stuff to say about:

1. The Atom #20 -- The best part about this issue (besides the fact that it fully wrapped up all of the stuff that went on in the past 19 issues) was that the key clue that helped Ryan figure out who the enemy was happened in the filler issue -- the one-shot #19 that Gail Simone didn't even write.

Way to keep that fill-in in continuity!

2. Buffy #11 -- Best big-reveal joke.

Who is it? Who's under the mask? Quick turn the page to find out!

Okay. Maybe it was stupid. But it made me laugh.

3. Teen Titans: Year One #2 -- Not very memorable.

4. Supergirl #26. This one would have been good if the last few issues had made any sense. As it is, I just feel like this month's cliff hanger will get ignored and next week we'll get an issue that takes place in Deep Space with a flash back to Krypton and an Editor's Note saying: "This issue takes place after issue #24, but before that crappy arc with the Outsiders."

It is a sign of despair when an otherwise good issue leaves you with the conclusion, "So this will be the last good one until the mid-30s, then?"

Justice Society of America #12

2008-02-07T00:30:00.000-08:00

Three Short and One Long Thought on Justice Society of America #12.

1. I am intrigued by the seemingly unlimited source of new Black superheroes that are "Black Lightning's Previously Unmentioned Children." I am picturing Russian Nesting Dolls of Pierce girls, all prepared to take on a career of superheroing as soon as they graduate from college, from "Thunder" at the top, all the way down to the baby, "Static Cling."

2. This issue was billed as "The Return of Jakeem Thunder." That did, in fact, happen. As far as Jakeem is concerned, though, all he did was "return."

3. Did Judomaster not speak English in Birds of Prey? She was kind of quiet, but I don't remember her not understanding what the others were talking about.

4. Usually you go on a recruitment drive when you are down some members. The JSA is already filled to the gills after last year's recruitment drive, no one has left or died in the interim, and there has even been a stray Wildcat or Citizen Steel or Superman thrown in during the intervening year.

I don't object to any of the new recruits in particular. "Lance" seems interesting, as do the others (at least in theory -- they each get two pages), but to quote Michael Chabon in "Wonder Boys" (or, at least, to paraphrase Katie Holmes' character in the movie, which is the next best thing) "Writing is about making choices, and it looks like you didn't make any." Either Obsidian is in the JSA, in which case he should sometimes get a job or two, or else he should go retire or move to Los Angeles with Manhunter or marry Damon or whatever. One line per year from the guy on "wallpaper duty" is not making choices.

In fact, I think "Not Making Choices" is becoming the new Comics Cop Out. And possibly a direct result of loud fan complaints.

Cancel Manhunter? Fans scream. Renew Manhunter? Fans cheer. Cancel Manhunter, then announce you will renew it, and then never actually put out another issue? Fans are silent.

Is Connor Hawke dead or not? The didn't make a choice there, and the fans just sit and wait.

Is there a memorial for Misfit? Kind of in the Robin Cave, or in Batman's Dream, or maybe Stephanie isn't really dead. What was I rallying around again? I forget.

Is Obsidian in the JSA? Yes! Of course he is! There he was with Kingdom Come Superman just a few months ago having a conversation that didn't move the plot along!

The way to keep people from criticizing your decisions is to just not make any decisions. It shouldn't work that way, but it does.

Today, I read Countdown to Final Crisis 12

2008-02-06T11:18:00.000-08:00

I also read Justice Society of America #12. In my imagination, the #12s are waving to each other as they proceed in opposite directions down the number line.

12 Quick thoughts on Countdown to Final Crisis #12

1. I am starting to get the sneaking suspicion that Darkseid does not actually KNOW how to play chess. I think, if he actually had to play a real game, he'd just assume that most of the pieces moved like the Horsey.

2. I'm a big fan of Maps. I'd really like a map of Themiscyra so I can figure out where everyone is in the Holly/Harley bits from Countdown; where everyone is in the Paradise Island parts of Wonder; and where everyone is during the "Free Ollie" parts of Green Arrow/ Black Canary.

3. The Jimmy Olsen/ Forager relationship appears to be based largely upon showering separately.

4. I wish I knew anything about the "original" OMAC stuff so I could figure out what was going on with Old OMAC meets New OMAC. I know there was a Countdown Special out today, but really. I wish I "knew" already. I'm not actually that interested in taking the time to "find out."

5. So, who-all knew that "Athena" was really Granny Goodness? I mean, WE knew, because we studied all of the subtle clues from Amazons Attack, but I sort of felt like no one was surprised here, despite the fact that they only suspected she was an "imposter." Did the all start to figure it out when she started talking about "Amazon Furies"? Or did I miss the issue where we saw Holly spying on Granny Goodness through a keyhole?

6. I can't actually remember why Jimmy and Forager went to Apokolips the first time, or why they came back to Earth, so I'm not really excited that the time travelling finger of Grant Morrison's-Patrick-Swayze-in-Ghost-Animal-Man (or whoever) wants them to go back.

7. Yey, Hippolyta! But why did you think that you couldn't beat Granny Goodness by yourself, but could beat her with three unpowered back-up singers? Sure, Hippolyta could win a fair fight with G.G. But if she can't, Holly, Harley, and Mary aren't going to push her over the edge to victory.

8. Is there some sort of Air Traffic Control system for Boom Tubes, so they don't crash into each other on Apokolips?

9. I feel like a saw a "Furries" joke in comic book pretty recently, but I can't remember which one. Or maybe it was in a blog. In any event, even if its the first time ever, the joke is already old.

10. It's been a really long time since we had a "Piper" segment. Looks like not a lot has changed, but you'd think he would have lost enough weight by now that the handcuffs should just slide off.

11. Holly asking Mary what she's going to do against Granny Goodness? Glass houses, Holly. Glass houses.

12. I've completely lost track of what's happening in Bludhaven. Why are the gang there? What happened to Professor Stein? Why is the OMAC there? I even read all of the massively confusing "Battle for Bludhaven" and the theoretically relevant last arc of Firestorm, and I am just lost. Anyway, it may not matter, since OMAC is treating Bludhaven like Darkseid treats his chess boards.

We Voted

2008-02-06T08:29:00.000-08:00

We dragged the Raggirls up out of bed at 6 AM to vote in our New Jersey primaries yesterday morning. Then we took them out for post-voting breakfast. The family that votes together . . .

Well, you know. I can't figure out how couples like Schwartzenegger/Schriver stay together with such different fundamental values.

Anyway, then a late night of watching election returns, to see that Senator Clinton was victorious in New Jersey! Go team!

Off to buy the new books now, and maybe read one or two over lunchtime.

Contorting Supergirl the Other Way

2008-02-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

Josh Middleton's upcoming Supergirl cover.

Note that Supergirl is bent over so that NEITHER her chest or her nether regions are directed at the viewer.

An improvement from Inflatable Sex Toy Supergirl (below), although that seagull behind Kara, above, is clearly aware that he is being mooned.

Groundhog's Day Resolutions

2008-02-04T20:11:00.000-08:00

Maybe it's a Pennsylvania thing, but I prefer making Groundhog's Day resolutions to New Years' Resolutions. This is good because I am starting my resolutions just as everyone else is giving up on theirs. My Groundhog's Day Resolution for my blog is to maintain my blog, and not try to make it too great so that I end up giving up because it isn't perfect. So, instead of big, long posts with lots of scans that I never finish, I will try short posts with minimal graphics. Also, I would ideally like to comment briefly on every comic I read, starting Wednesday, but I don't know how realistic that is.

As a jump start, Kalinara is posting about her favorite storylines. Mine is the classic "The characters in the book come to life" (or, oppositely, "the real-life people get sucked into the book.")

This was the plot of the comic I read today, which I don't really know what its called, because there are too many words on the cover. My best guess is "The Tall Tales of Vishnu Sharma: Panchantra #1" from Virgin Comics. The characters are from an Indian book, and they are mostly animals, but can appear like people also.

Also, some of the characters are cool:

And the bad guy is a little boy wizard who rides a broomstick and wears short pants.

Doesn't get too much better than that!

Ragtime's Ideosynchratic Rating System: 14 out of 18 stars.

Green Arrow/ Black Canary #3 and Connor Hawke: Dragon's Blood #6

2008-01-02T13:35:00.000-08:00

So, I can't have been the only person to read both of these. The entire Dragon's Blood mini-series, as best as I can figure, was about getting to the point of Connor fighting the bad guy in an actual pool of real, red dragon's blood. The story was that bathing in the dragon's blood gave the bather immortality. Only by bathing in the blood himself could Connor become the dragon's heir and kill the godlike bad-guy.

Now, several months later, Connor appears to have been shot through the chest by a very angry cloud, leaving us all in suspense as to whether he will die. It seems to me that the options are either:

A. Connor will not die because he is immortal, having recently bathed in Dragon's Blood and winning the fight with the other immortal guy. (This, though, doesn't make for much of a cliff-hanger).

B. Connor will not die because the bullet missed his major organs or something. (And, therefore, the quest of his immortality gets passed over for now.)

C. Connor dies because Dragon's Blood isn't really in continuity. (So, the suspense is really whether a past story is in continuity or not.)

D. Connor dies because immortality doesn't really mean much these days. (Heck, Connor killed the other immortal guy in Dragon's Blood.)

It seems to me that either Dragon's Blood never happened, or else Green Arrow/ Black Canary #3 isn't much of a cliffhanger.

Green Arrow/ Black Canary #1

2007-10-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

P'Shat

Dinah is stressed out now that she has killed her husband on their wedding night. Connor is worried that she is being too violent in taking down criminals. Dinah, meanwhile, is convinced that the man she killed wasn't really Ollie, but actually an imposter. No one believes her except . . . Batman. Batman and Dr. Midnite conduct an autopsy, in which it is revealed that Oliver Queen was actually being impersonated by Everyman, who is now dead. The 'real' Ollie is now being held captive by fake-Athena and the new-Amazons (an Edie Brickell cover band) on Paradise Island.

Drash

I call this one "Death of an Overused Plot Point." Since the end of '52' in which he was actually a recurring character, Everyman has popped up unexpectedly impersonating (a) Ted Kord in Manhunter; (b) both Sgt. Steel and Wonder Woman in Wonder Woman; and now (c) Ollie Queen in Wedding Specials. And that's just the comics I've read. And '52' has only been over for 20-some weeks.

Some people, I assume, were happy to find out that Oliver Queen was still alive. Others were disappointed. Any thoughts about Ollie I had, though, were drowned out by the thought that I now would not have to read the following storylines:

A. Batman appears to have once again rehabilitated Two Face, only to find out that, in fact, Everyman was impersonating Harvey Dent's Good Side.

B. Everyman replaces 1/3 of Triplicate Girl, and then fights to take over the whole kaboodle when they re-combine.

C. Everyman kills and impersonates Obsidian, effectively taking Everyman out of action for the next three years of Justice Society.

D. In a surprise twist ending, Ion appears to take over Sinestro's body, turning him into a force for good. Unfortunately, Sinestro was only really infiltrated by Everyman, which doesn't turn out quite the same.

E. During a crucial battle with the Hall of Doom guys in Justice League, John Stewart turns for support from his JLA teammates, only to find out that he was alone because Everyman had been impersonating all of them.

"Cosmic Odyssey": Bad Comic, or The WORST Comic?

2007-09-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

With the news that John Stewart is going to be back on the big-boys' team and that Jim Starlin is going to be writing "Death of the New Gods," plus John Stewart's clear statement in Green Lantern #23 that Cosmic Odyssey is still in continuity (see panel above), I thought I would look back on the 1987 mini-series about Darkseid & Co., featuring John Stewart, and ask the question: "Was this the worst thing written, ever?"

The answer is probably "No." But, I can't think of anything worse offhand.

A summary, for those not familiar, is that Metron appears to have accidentally put the entire universe at risk by allowing four "anti-life entities" to enter our universe. Each is attempting to destroy a different planet, and if any TWO are destroyed, the galaxy will collapse. Eight heroes are called to intervene, with two sent to each of the two planets. Meanwhile, Darkseid schemes. That's about it, really.

I will present this critique in the form of a totally imaginary, fictional dialogue with the creators of Cosmic Odyssey, in which I begin by accusing them of being stinky racist fatheads (by which I do not intend to denigrate individuals with actual fat heads). The dialogue will descend from there. Fictional responses will be written in boldface.

Hello, creators of Cosmic Odyssey, you are big stink racist fatheads.

I'm Not a Racist! I don't care if the guy is Black, White, or Green, as long as he's the best one for the job!

Okay, but apparently the Black and the Green guys weren't the best ones for the jobs, because when you are creating four pairs of heroes, the only pair that fails is John Stewart and J'onn J'onzz -- the Black Guy and the Green Guy. The three pairs of Caucasian-esque heroes were all successfull.

Um . . . Forager isn't white!

This is true. He is Orange, and is thus "indeterminate" in my version of the inter-galactic racial ID test (I.e., would the character be played by a white guy in the movie?) Starfire would get played by a white woman. Superman, Batman, Orion, and Lightray also white guys. Forager is kind of iffy.

But, since Forager's the only one of the eight to end up dead, I don't think putting him on the "diversity squad" helps you any.

But John Stewart is actually the tragic hero here. He grows through his experience.

Only because you shrunk him so small to begin with by turning him into a total moron! By the way, check out the White Teeth on that Negro! Is he, perchance, holding a watermelon and wearing tap shoes off-panel?

Yeah, I guess we have no excuse for the teeth.

Okay, now let's move on the extreme predictability. Here's a single panel, showing four targets of the anti-life entities.

Earth, Rann, Thanagar, and Xanshi are the targets. We know that if any TWO are destroyed, the Milky Way galaxy will all collapse. That means that it's okay if ONE is destroyed, and we also know that that one won't be Earth, Rann, or Thanagar, all of which are repeat players in DC comics.

Looking at this panel, it is clear that Earth, Rann, and Thanagar are Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, while the entire planet of Xanshi is wearing a red shirt.

It's wasn't THAT obvious, was it?

Maybe not if you had sent Superman and Orion there. But you send the black guy and the green guy, and, well . . .

Note that the Green Lantern #23 version of this panel omits the fact that the Anti-Life Entity on Xanshi is the spitting image of my local comic book store owner. I cannot see him now without wondering whether he is painting a bomb yellow in order to destroy the Earth.

Anyway, Let's move on to the aftermath. When your partner has just screwed up so much that an entire planet has been destroyed, which is the best way to respond:

A. Overt Melodrama and Over-Personalization?

B. Adolescent Temper Tantrum?

C. Incitement to Suicide?

J'onn, apparently, goes with (D) All of the Above.

But J'onn is also developing as a character here.

Did any of the white guys go through character development, or were they all perfect from the beginning?

Um . . . Orion, maybe?

Maybe that's some off-panel development going on. But, yeah, Batman can sure develop a person's character in a hurry. This was by far the best panel in the mini-series:

On the other hand, there can be no excuse for this:

"So sue me"!? There is no way that Batman even THINKS "so sue me."

You are right. Batman would never even think "So sue me."

Or this. Besides the "So sue me," Batman does not get obvious objective facts wrong.

ALICE says "Curiouser and curiouser." The Caterpillar says, "Who are you?" That's too obvious for even Robin to screw up!

Now, let's point out some other problems with the comic. Let's say that you are going to start a dramatic countdown, where at the end nothing actually happens. Where's a good place to start? Three? Seven? Ten? Fifty-Two? Let's take a look:

Yes, you in fact started the Countdown at 118, and used up two whole pages of the comic book on it. Is that a good use of resources?

Um, I guess I see your point. Well, okay, we may be stupid and racist, but at least we weren't sexist.

That is true. You were as non-sexist as you could be in a comic strip in which, of the ten or eleven main characters, only one of them (Starfire) was female. Starfire was relatively kickass, and saves Adam Strange's behind repeatedly, but we will leave it to the reader to determine whether one quality female portrayal in a huge-cast mini-series is enough to compensate for the otherwise entirely male universe.

*****

Okay, that ends my fictional interview with the creators of Cosmic Odyssey, so now you can decide -- bad comic, or the WORST comic?

Batman Expresses His Views on Feminism

2007-08-31T17:58:00.000-07:00

Bruce expresses his complex and well-reasoned views on feminism to Diana.

Wonder Woman subsequently expresses her complex and well-reasoned views on Batman by knocking him out, locking him in a capsule, and shooting him out into space.

The option of "I disagree, and therefore will shoot you out into space" should, I believe, be an option is more types of philosophical debates.

Things I learned from Amazons Attack

2007-08-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

1. It IS possible in a six-issue mini-series to have more than six "Final Confrontations" between Diana and Hippolyta.

2. Zatanna and her mind-wipes are superfluous now that we have targeted killer wasp stings to erase knowledge of secret identities. Personally, I was hoping for a reversion to Superman-movie era Amnesia Inducing Kisses, but we can't have everything.

3. Amnesia works not just for revealed secrets, but for things that you easily figured out on your own.

4. If you dress up like another character, you get to use all of her powers also.

5. Four magical shape-shifters in one mini-series is two too many.

6. Although it would have been fun if they all pretended to be Sgt. Steel at the same time.

7. Wasn't Donna Troy off searching for Diana at some point in the middle there? Did she just get a case of ADD and forget all about the war?

8. Apparently that Lazarus-Pit crazy-making thing happens to you even if you are re-incarnated some other way.

Live and learn.

Countdown to Self-Parody

2007-08-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

It took me a little while to figure out why this sequence from the Grace/Diana issue of Five of a Kind struck me as odd. They are in Cleveland trying to safe the city from a Bana bomb when suddenly . . .

It's the middle panel.

It's a Countdown to . . . Countdown?

How To Hypersexualize, Dismember, and then Kill a 14 Year Old Girl in Comics

2007-08-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

How To Hypersexualize, Dismember, and then Kill a 14 Year Old Girl in Six Easy Steps (Plus -- If You Call Now -- A Free Bonus "Super-Fetish" Seventh Step!)

Courtesy of Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious #1, which I bought because I love Lobo, and really enjoyed Batman: Secrets from the same guy. This one, I'm now thinking, might have been a mistake.

So, how to you hypersexualize, dismember, and then kill a 14 year old girl? Glad you asked.

First, find a 14 year old girl in a short Catholic-girl skirt 7.2 light-years from Earth (How far has the Catholic Church reached in the DCU?). Ideally, make her a little bit nerdy.

Second, drop her down a hole in such a way so that (a) her shirt buttons all pop open and (b) her skirt gets hiked up a good six to nine inches, revealing her ass. This is a tricky maneuver, but you can do it if you try hard enough.

Third, the pre-requisite Lesbian Kiss among two women who are not, actually -- you know -- lesbians. Bonus points for also depicting pedophilia (older woman with 14 year old girl) and involuntary, what with a gun to the girl's neck.

Fourth, in a brief moment of regret, our underaged, overexposed pseudo-lesbian must have pangs of doubt, wishing that she could find some "guys to go party with".

But, alas, our young heroine will never get attain her hopes of heterosexual redemption because, well, you can't hypersexualize, dismember, and kill without dismemberment, so that left arm's just got to go! Trust me, in context it doesn't make any more sense why the black splotchy creature has just eaten our un-named heroine's left arm clean up to the shoulder, and then stopped. Except maybe amputee sex is one fetish we hadn't gotten to yet.

Sixth, for the grand finale, drive your motorcycle into an ammo dump, destroying all evidence of what you did. The black now-smoldering corpse is all that's left of our hyper-sexualized dismembered 14 year old.

There. Now you know how to hyper-sexualize, dismember, and the kill an anonymous 14 year old girl.

But wait! Remember how we thought that amputee-sex was the final fetish? We were wrong! Because just because you have hypersexualized, dismembered, and killed a fourteen year old girl, doesn't mean that there isn't time for just one more Pseudo-Lesbian Pedophiliac Amputee Necrophiliac Kiss!

Top THAT, Larry Flynt!

Weird Conversation

2007-08-14T14:43:00.000-07:00

Apropos of Nothing, except that a Sleestak post made me think of it, and all of my substantive posts are getting bogged down in my over-excitement over the use of my scanner:

Apparently, Sunday night my mother had a dream in which we had a phone conversation identical to an actual phone conversation that we really had on Sunday afternoon, but in which we spent an additional five minutes discussing how I had lost my cell phone, and where it could possibly be.

She called me yesterday to ask if I had found my cell phone yet, and there was much confusion that ensued, until I pointed out the inescapable fact that it was clear that during the REAL Sunday conversation I was sitting in the kids' section of Barnes & Noble with the Ragkids and hence, necessarily, on my cell phone.

Faced with this cognitive dissonance, my mother was forced to re-examine her day and realize that, in fact, she dreamed a conversation that exactly mimicked the real one, except for the cell phone issue.

Weird.

Fixing Boo Boos (Wonder Woman #11)

2007-07-27T06:02:00.000-07:00

So, you know how you're sometimes on the phone or in a meeting at your home, discussing important business, and you suddenly have to drop everything and maybe risk the entire deal because one of your kids scraped her knee, or something?

Best I can figure, Diana was pulled out of peace negotiations with the Amazons because Tom got a bee sting and needed Diana to kiss it for him.

Thousands may die needlessly, but priorities are priorities. Kill the civilians, but by all means retrieve the Holy Calamine Lotion!

Comics' First Gay Wedding Ceremony?

2007-07-23T17:34:00.001-07:00

(Just practicing with my new scanner.)

True love blooms in Cosmic Odyssey #2.

Mark Andreyko

2007-07-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

Good article on being gay and writing comics, featuring Mark Andreyko.

Which reminded me, if Manhunter got re-un-cancelled, how come it not actually being published?

Stupid Questions #7

2007-07-05T11:07:00.001-07:00

"Superstar writer Joe Kelly concludes his SUPERGIRL run with a grueling fight between Supergirl and Superman! Is the only way to save the universe to kill the Man of Steel?"

Did someone put the wrong story behind this cover, because I don't think that's what happened in my copy.

I Wanna Get Married (to a Jealous, Two-Timing Louse)

2007-06-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

In honor of Black Canary's assumed impending nuptials to Green Arrow, I've put together a little photo montage set to music, on the off-chance I'm invited to any of the pre-marriage events and can give Dinah a gift. Please sing along in your head as you read, if you know the song.

Music and Lyrics by Nellie McKay

"I wanna get married
Yes, I need a spouse

I want a nice Leave it to Beaverish
Golden retriever and a little white house

I wanna get married
I need to cook meals

I wanna pack you cute little lunches
For my Brady bunches
Then read Danielle Steele

I wanna escape
This rat race I've created

I'm feelin' enervated

I don't care if I make it
I just want to bake a sugar cake for you
To take to work in the morn

And I'll stay home cleaning the dishes
And keeping your wishes all warm

I wanna get married
That's why I was born

I wanna partake in bake sales for the classroom

I wanna hear the sweet tune
Of Sally's little vroom-vroom
As she zooms around my broom

As I exhume the gloom
Of my shallow life

I wanna be simple and honest and dimpled
'cause I am your wife

I will never tarry

I'm not even torn

I wanna get married
That's why I was born"

Best wishes, Dinah! (You will sure need them.)

Request for Space Picture Book Ideas

2007-06-21T07:33:00.001-07:00

Medium Raggirl is four years old, and moving into a space-phase. Her current favorites are If You Decide To Go To The Moon, which is wonderful, but more a fictional how-to, than a story book, and also Cops and Robots, which is well below her reading comprehension level, but she loves the Backyardigans TV Show, and reading the book is usually just a pre-cursor to extended play-acting in which we are evil robots running away from the space cops.

My problem is that I have been unable to find anything else in the "Kids in Space Picture Book" genre. This is the blurb for the perfect book for Medium Raggirl:

"A girl blasts off to the moon, where she discovers that the satellite has been taken over by evil robot dinosaurs! Using her cunning and her mad science kit, the girl manages to tame the lunar robot dinosaurs, and takes up a career riding them in her new lunar robot dinosaur rodeo."

Unfortunately, this book appears to not exists. Or really, anything similar. It would be a shame to make her wait until she is ready for "Chapter Books," especially since that would mean my reading the same two books to her for the next year!

Any ideas are appreciated.

Super Stripper

2007-06-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

Yes, I can see no way to avoid the conclusion that Superman is the stripper popping out of the cake at Black Canary's bachelorette party. This, of course, raises the important issue of what, exactly, constitutes the skill of "Super Stripping"?

The answer, after some thought, is obvious.

Superman's skill is that it is actually more revealing the more clothes he puts ON! I mean, picture it . . . The girls are all cheering as Kal slowly puts on a grey business suit, hooting and hollering as he slowly ties the tie (double windsor, of course), . . . and everyone is on their feet screaming as the glasses come out!

Now THAT'S a strip-tease I'd pay to see.

The 52 Love Triangle: The Search for Ray Palmer

2007-06-19T06:04:00.000-07:00

Kalinara is very excited about Kyle Rayner, Donna Troy, and Jason Todd starring in the "Search for Ray Palmer" mini-series. While I agree with all of the points she makes, and would add that I think it would be really fun for Kyle to get repeatedly marginalized by the other two because, "You've never been dead, so you wouldn't know. . ." there was one part I don't agree with. She says,

"The potential love triangle element would be amusing too."

It was exactly the potential love triangle that made me cringe. In my mind, I can't help but compare this trio to the "Space Heroes" from 52 and Countdown to Adventure. In case your memory doesn't extend back to last month, that threesome was Starfire, who was historically played as a "sex kitten" type character, paired with Buddy Baker and Adam Strange, who just happened to be the two most happily married in the entire DCU. And what happens? Three people stranded alone for a year, and not a single "relationship" subplot. No one is even thinking that one of the happy Dads will cheat, and they just go have adventures with Lobo and Lady Styx. It completely rehabilitated Starfire for me, because she was allowed to just be a hero for year, without being a "girlfriend" or "lover" also.

My fear is that putting Donna Troy into a group with two eligible, swinging singles will have exactly the opposite effect, and by the time the trio find Ray Palmer, they will have to use his scientific expertise to develop an impromptu DNA test to determine who the father is.

Stupid Questions #6

2007-06-18T10:57:00.000-07:00

Who are the 33,000 people who are buying Justice League -- but not Justice Society -- during their crossover? Are some of them among the 11,000 people who are buying Outsiders, but not Checkmate during their crossover?

When these people purchase books, do they often choose to read only the odd-numbered chapters?

When a book you buy has a clearly labelled crossover, do you ever choose not to buy the half of the story that is in the other book? If so, does the story still make sense?

Interview with Me -- #2

2007-06-14T06:30:00.000-07:00

Kalinara asks:

1. Is Nightwing in Outsiders an idiot, or just misunderstood?

Nightwing from the Outsiders is clearly an idiot, as he is only able to keep a single thought in his head at a time. In the early issues, that thought was, "This is a job, not a family." That led him to leave the team. (This, from the guy who successfully led the Justice League in Obsidian Age!) Next, it was "We are dead." That one should have been easy, but nope. Now, it is "I must save my team!" whether it be from Checkmate, Egg Fu, or whomever.

It's like Nightwing is in an improv comedy troupe, where an audience member yells out a motivation -- ("You think your mother is a duck!") -- and you have to incorporate that into every move you make. Except without the comedy.

2. If you had Nemesis's disguise tricks, who would you impersonate and what would you do?

I'd probably keep impersonating whomever was walking twenty feet ahead of me, so that the people walking in the other direction would start getting inexplicable cases of deja vu.

3. Do you miss Steve Trevor as much as I do?

It depends which Steve Trevor. Not the silly Golden Age "Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane in Pants." Not the post-Crisis "Elder Statesman in Love with Etta." There was probably an interim Steve in there who was worth missing, but I haven't read enough Silver/Bronze Age Wonder Woman to form an attachment to him. I definitely approve of the "Wonder Woman's Guy Sidekick" role, but Nemesis has been sufficiently ass-kicking that I haven't felt the loss on that front.

4. If you could make one new superhero, who would you make?

Superhero comics would be the perfect medium for exploring Trans-sexuals. Coming up the back story for literally being a "Man Trapped In a Woman's Body" or vice versa is ridiculously easy. And yet, I don't think it has even been done right or well. To take a current superhero -- what if Kendra is killed at the end of her book and her soul gets re-re-incarnated into a male body? What does Carter do? What does Ken(dra) do?

My "new" superhero would be any existing superhero who is in a committed relationship, who suddenly becomes "reborn" into another body. Heck, I wouldn't even mind if it turned Obsidian into a straight woman!

5. Bolts or nuts?

I prefer wing-nuts, because you can usually spin them around so easily.

MEME RULES:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (They probably won't be the same ones you see above!)

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Interview With Me #1 -- Ami

2007-06-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

Ami asks five questions:

1. How would you coordinate the heroes when the Amazons Attack? :o

Well, I would start out by locking Diana and Hippolyta in a room (or maybe their own pocket dimension) and not letting them out until some sort of familial breakthrough was made, so they couldn't have seventeen three-line conversations that never get anywhere over the course of three issues.

Next, I'd get Supernova (if he still exists) to use that people-beamer thing he used to get everyone the heck out of Metropolis to get everyone the heck out of Washington D.C.

Having now saved all the civilians, all males from the Bat-Family would be dispatch to stand guard at every building that was at least ten times as high as it is wide, as apparently phallic structures are the primary targets here.

Superman would use his Super-hearing to figure out what quadrant of the city an Amazon most recently yelled "Attack!" in, and send reinforcements there.

I don't think any other heroes will be needed, because I figure Nemesis could just impersonate them as the need arose.

2. Is there a hero that you dislike that would surprise ppl (by your choice)? :O

Power Girl. Well, maybe "dislike" is too strong. She just never inspired me.

3. What's your favourite TV show? :D

Since you didn't specify current or past, I'm going to go with "Northern Exposure." I own all 6 Seasons on DVD, and its the only show that long that I own all of. I wrote about my love for it here.

4. What's your favourite guilty pleasure XD

If it is pleasurable, and doesn't hurt anyone else, I don't see why I should feel guilty it! However, I perhaps have a surprising passion for Mexican food.

5. If you could live in any sort of residence (condo, house, mansion, castle, yacht, etc) where would you live? :D

I don't know. Does the mansion come with Alfred, or do I have to do my own vacuuming? Assuming the residence doesn't come with lots of extra wealth, probably a large condo (I don't like having to be responsible for my own repairs!) but it would be located on a floating city, suspended above the earth by a bouquet of multi-colored balloons, so that it could be a condo-over-New-York one day and a condo-over-San-Francisco the next.

MEME RULES:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions. (They probably won't be the same ones you see above!)

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Sleez, Still-borns, and Mr. Pink (Countdown #46)

2007-06-13T11:06:00.000-07:00

So, Countdown #46 managed to hit all of my hot buttons at once.

1. The return of Sleez. I don't know what else he's been doing -- from the implications of the text, he was creating some Lois/Jimmy porn. I didn't read about that -- only the Superman/Barda porn from Action #593.

Yuck. While I am convinced that Superman would be very bad in bed -- even outside of mind control -- this is really a level of yuck I didn't want to consider. I was therefore not too upset to see his fried by forced unknown.

2. And what's yuckier than mind-controlled Superman sex? Why, Dead Babies, of course! Next, Black Mary fights some sort of demon made up entirely of still-born babies who had been trapped inside of a piece of the Rock of Eternity. My memory was theat all the pieces of rock had been collected back in Day of Vengeance, but I could be mis-remembering. Anyway, very few things will get me to stop watching/ reading faster than Dead Babies (see, for example, Battlestar Galactica, which I turned off on the pilot's first commercial break, never to re-view.)

Anyway, this scene was just kind of confusing, and I wasn't as viscerally effected as I usually am by this sort of junk. Offensiveness has been saved solely by being poorly executed.

3. Okay, this one is just kind of weird. The Rogues are in a restaurant having a conversation about capitalism and waitress/customer relations and whether "the customer is always right" that so obviously reads like a scene cut from the restaurant scene is Reservoir Dogs where the criminals discussing the Ethics of Tipping Waitresses that I can't believe it wasn't an intentional homage/ rip-off.

Anyway, the Pied Piper here takes on the overly-erudite role of Mr. Pink (Steve Buscemi). Get it? Pink, because he's gay? Ha ha? . . . No? Ok.

[(left to right) Mirror Master, Heat Wave, Captain Cold, Trickster, The Top, Weather Wizard, and Pied Piper.]

Okay, I know I'm probably going to keep buying Countdown no matter how annoying it gets, but this one was pretty darned annoying.

Completing the Circle: Trying to Figure Out Supergirl #18

2007-06-07T12:39:00.001-07:00

I could talk about the actual plot, which would just be depressing, since it would mean admitted that the majority of the last few issues were totally wasted. Instead, I will merely point out:

Richard Pryor tries to kill Superman in Superman III.

Midriff Supergirl learns from her father that she must kill Superman somewhere around Supergirl #16.

Belly-Covered Supergirl decides she must kill Midriff Supergirl in Supergirl #18. But who is she really? The Real Supergirl? An imposter? The answer, if you look closely, is obvious.

She is clearly Rain Pryor, daughter of Richard Pryor, in a blonde wig. And thus the cycle of killing is closed.

Stupid Questions #5: Wonder Woman 9 Edition

2007-05-23T18:25:00.001-07:00

1. Is this supposed to follow directly from Amazons Attack #1? If so, why doesn't Diana meet "mom" in the same place?

2. The Book was labeled "Part Four." Other than WW#8 and AA#1, what was Part Three?

3. Everyman was the title character of a Middle Ages play. Willie Loman was a kind of everyman- character is Death of a Salesman, but naming oneself Everyman shouldn't really open yourself up to lots of Willie Loman jokes, should it?

4. How did Hippolyte and a dozen Amazons end up on the roof with Circe and Diana without anyone noticing?

5. Does Wonder Woman doubt that Hippolyte is her mother because she is warlike, or because she is so gullible?

6. Did Nemesis really think that he could lock up a shape-shifter the way he did? Shouldn't he know better?

7. How come the best parts of this issue were the parts without Diana in them? Is this book turning into (wonder-woman-presents) NEMESIS!!! ?

Law And Magic

2007-05-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

If you are like me (and, we know, you likely are not), and have interests in both magical worlds and the law, you will be likely to enjoy Christine Corcos's "Law And Magic Blog." Corcos is a law professor in Louisiana.

So far, I have learned that a magician needs a $100 USDA Animal Welfare Act Exhibitor's license in order to legally pull a rabbit out of a hat, and that the world of the Lord of the Rings employed English common law!

Bob The Monitor

2007-05-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

I don't really have anything to say about this. I just read the solicits for Atom #14, and it says, "Ryan Choi, Donna Troy, Jason Todd and Bob the Monitor continue to search the Nanoverse for Ray Palmer"

Well, yes, now that there are numerous Monitors, we can't just have "The Monitor" and the "The Anti-Monitor" anymore. Why not Bob?

I just have to wonder where Bob the Monitor (and his friends Tom, Dick, and Harry Monitor) all came from, since there don't appear to be any Mommy Monitors to give birth to them or, you know, go on murderous rampages against Universe jumpers or any of the other cool things that people named "Bob" get to do.

Checkmate/Outsiders -- My favorite crossover

2007-05-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, JLA/JSA is good, too, and not just because of Kara and Carter. But, for my money, the team-up of the month is clearly Checkmate/Outsiders. I mean, what fun is a team-up unless the teams really hate each other. I'm completely loving this one.

Nightwing: "I am so brilliant that I can identify Sasha Bordeaux simply by her fighting style. This is because I'm such a moron that I cannot identify her by the fact that she is not wearing a costume or attempting to obscure her identity in any way."

Mlle Marie: "That Boomer is cute, but is probably very bad in bed."

Amanda Waller: "I like Count Vertigo because he can make Boomer vomit at a moment's notice."

Jagger, Thunder, and Grace: "We hate Fire, but because she's an ass -- not because she's the only Breeder on our team."

Count Vertigo: "Amanda Waller only likes me because I can make Boomer vomit."

Metamorpho: "You know, sometimes it's more fun sitting at the kids' table than having to make serious conversation with grown-ups."

Mr. Terrific: "Who says I can't be in every comic book this month? I'm Mr. Terrific, the third smartest man in the world! It can be in Checkmate, JSA, Ousiders, JLA, heck, I can keep dozens of unrelated plot lines straight in my head at the same time. Next month I'm gonna take down Jonah Hex!"

Fire: "Amanda Waller does not need Count Vertigo to make me vomit."

Katana: "I freakin' HATE the kids' table. Black Lightning is in the JLA and I'm on a team with freakin' Captain Boomerang, Jr. I could SOOO take Black Lightning in a fair fight."

Sasha Bourdeaux: "Nightwing keeps doing that 'Let's have a fight and then maybe we'll find ourselves in a compromising position and then we'll kiss' thing. How do I tell him that I find him unattractive on both a physical AND intellectual level."

Boomer: "I am very cute, but probably very bad in bed."

Murder on the Gotham Express (Tales of the Unexpected #8, Cover Date July, 2007)

2007-05-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

The Spectre Characters: The Spectre, Nathan Munie, the Gotham P.D., all of the tenants of Leonard Krieger's building

P'Shat

Nathan Munie, saved from a suicide attempt by the Spectre, proceeds to spill the beans about who, exactly, killed slumlord Leonard Krieger. The answer, apparently, was everybody. Johnny Sachmann tied him up, Isaac Harrison bloodied him for taking sexual favors instead of rent, Ralph Sachmann spat on him, someone else threw a rat on him, etc., etc. As Munie's confession proceeds, the Spectre goes floor to floor killing off all of the people who participated -- actively or passively -- in the killing of the Leonard Krieger. Crispus Allen tries to show compassion, but he is not strong enough to stop the Spectre's wrath.

Drash

Ew. Certainly gruesome, but not "Unexpected." It was pretty obvious that everyone had participated. The Unexpected part of the Tale, I guess, was that they all suffered the same punishment. When I studied criminal law, there was always a lot of discussion between active commission of a crime, and passively permitting a bad thing to happen. Despite what you may have seen in the final episode of "Seinfeld," there is generally no legal obligation to take any affirmative steps to stop the commission of a crime, even when there is no personal harm to yourself in doing so.

The students always find this surprising, and it is often the first distinction students draw between law and morality. Not acting to stop a crime may be immoral, but that -- in itself -- doesn't make it illegal. Of course, the Spectre is a Vengeance, not Legal Justice, so he isn't bound by legal process. The problem here, though, is that the punishments do not all fit the crimes. The residents with legitimate beefs against Krieger -- lot Munie -- who did not actively assault the man certainly did not deserve the death penalty.

The problem is that the Spectre here is taking a particularly Christian view of morality -- we are all sinners, and as such are worthy of punishment. That has never been my view of the Spectre, outside of the Day of Judgment series where he did not have a host to "ground" him. At his best, the Spectre is wrestling with moral conundra, not going all Original Sin on everybody. This story, as a whole, gets a C-.

Dr. 13 Characters:

Heroes: Dr. 13, Traci 13, Pryemaul, I Vampire, Infectious Lass, Anthro, Genius Jones
Villains: The Architects
P'Shat

Our heroes are attacked by the DCU wardrobe, before the Architects tell the team that only Traci 13 can be saved because she's "hot" and "Half-Asian." Dr. 13 monologues how there is no "future of the universe," only a past, and after remembering that these architects were themselves temporary, walks through flames to proclaim that he doesn't believe in them either. The Architects are whirled away into a "Showcase Presents" issue from 1968, and the team is saved to fight again. The set off to rescue Captain Fear from aliens.

Drash

The Dr. 13 backup issues have been, by far, the best comic book story I have read all year. Funny, witty, self-mocking, pointing out both the silliness of the current editorial directly, and the obvious fact that editorial decisions made today can be easily undone by future "architects," so no change is really permanent.

It is a credit to DC that they published this self-satire, and a shame that it was hidden behind such a pedestrian lead story. And, of course, my favorite reaction shot ever -- "Batman" looking curiously intrigued by I, Vampire coming out in #7.

We're all here for you, Batman!

Kryptonians Attack! (Action #8: Cover Date January 1939)

2007-05-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

When I'm feeling uninspired, I can always find my muse with a solid Golden Age Superman story.

Characters:

Main Hero: Superman

Main Villain: Gimpy

Others of Ambiguous Morality: Neighborhood Ruffians, the U. S. Military

P'Shat

Scene I: Frankie Marello is sentenced to the boys' reformatory for assaulting and battery after a robbery. His mother pleads that his son is a good boy in an underprivileged environment, but to no avail. Reporter Clark Kent agrees, and thinks there is more to the story when he hears Marello's friends complaining that "Gimpy" didn't show.

Scene II: At Gimpy's pawn shop, we learn that Gimpy pays the boys to bring him stolen goods. The boys go to attack Gimpy, but he gives them leads on addresses to rob, and they leave him. Gimpy calls the police to get the boys arrested before they come back, but Superman breaks in and gives him an hour to get out of town, and then drops him in a vat of tar that is happily sitting in the pawn shop. (I wonder who was so hard up for cash that they pawned their barrel of tar!)

Scene III: At the houses of the elite, the cops are on the watch for robbers, and see the boys try to break in. Superman breaks up the arrests and rescues the boys from facing the consequences of their actions. After stopping Gimpy in his attempts for revenge, Superman convinces the boys to pursue constructive pursuits instead of crime. ("If bein' clean an' honest is yer code then its gonna be ours, too.")

Scene IV: After seeing that the government is helping to rebuild Florida cities after a cyclone, Superman decides that the poor would be better off if he acted like a cyclone and destroyed the slums. He tells everyone to evacuate, and then destroys the entire area. The National Guard is brought in to stop him, but to no avail, and the air assault merely destroys the buildings faster. The slums are soon replaced with sparkling, new housing projects for the poor. The police chief is secretly happy that Superman destroyed the town.

Drash

See, people who don't understand the glory of Golden Age comics should be forced to re-read this story from Action 8. It has absolutely everything, including everything that is wonderful and everything that is ridiculous about liberal politics, all in a story that is only 13 pages long.

In the beginning, a court scene where crime is blamed on "society" rather than criminal. Clark Kent recognized that the underprivileged kids in the underclass are given few options, and as a result resort to crime.

At the end, the most reductionist and silly analysis of the cure for urban poverty -- new apartments. In the world according to Superman, the problem of poverty isn't lack of money, it's low-quality housing. If the unemployed and poor were taken out of their slums and put into up-to-date high-rise apartments, then everything will be better. The fact that the poor won't have the money to maintain their apartments, and will have turned in low-rise slums for the high-rise "projects" of the 1960s and 1970s never occurs to him -- at least not before he single-handedly destroys an entire neighborhood.

So, while I am still of the view that "Amazons Attack!" has so far provided a pretty flimsy rationale for the Amazons to completely destroy Washington, D.C. and kill all the men in their way, it is not the most irrational destruction of a major American city by erstwhile heroes.

Stupid Questions #4

2007-05-10T07:16:00.000-07:00

So, when you've got a character like Starman or Donna Troy or Ion whose got one of those costumes with a star-field on it, is her costume just a black costume with white dots on it, or do the stars move when you are looking at her like you are looking out into space?

If they are actually in space, do the stars behind them camouflage them or what?

Free to Be, You, Me and Atalanta

2007-05-04T07:59:00.000-07:00

Every non-comic blog I read has, in the past week, linked to this post by Megan, a 35-year old woman who wants to have children, but is not married. It has me thinking about many of my own friends (all about the same age) who either are not married, or who are married but have not yet decided whether or not to have children. But mostly, it got me thinking about "Free To Be, You And Me," of which I have thought about a lot in the past few years when I play it for the Raggirls (or show them the similar TV adaptation), after approximately two decades of not thinking about it at all.

And I realized that a lot of my worldview was probably shaped by that album, even though I never thought about it. There is a lot that is great about Free To Be, You And Me. (I wonder how much of my love for M*A*S*H re-runs has to do with my childhood internalizations of Alan Alda's voice.)

Most of the songs are sweet and wonderful -- "Glad to Have a Friend Like You" is my personal favorite -- but looking back now, there are several that I would edit if I could.

1. "Ladies First." -- A girl who acts in a stereotypically feminine way gets eaten by a pack of tigers. A little too over the top. I get the point that dressing in frilly lace and acting helpless isn't exactly a social ideal, and this particular "Little Lady" is a total S.O.B., but come on now. Eaten by tigers? Surely we can show the negatives of extreme femininity without killing the girl off!

2. "William's Doll." -- Let's face it here, folks. William is probably gay. And, as Seinfeld has said, there's nothing wrong with that. We can all hope that one day William will be in a caring, monogamous relationship with another man, and he will be the stay-at-home dad for his and his husband's adopted son. Grandma is totally getting William's dad's hopes up, and it will all go horribly wrong when William comes out sometime during Reagan's first term. I spent most of the 1980s telling myself that I couldn't assume that just because certain of my friends had certain mannerisms, I shouldn't assume that they were gay. My the mid-1990s, they were all out.

Of course, in 1972 we could be pro-woman a lot more easily than we could be pro-gay.

3. Dudley Pippin and the Principal -- This one just creeps me out. Why is the principal playing a flute? Am I the only one who sees undertones of pedophilia here?

4. Girl Land -- The eldest Raggirl will now not listen to the Free To Be CD unless I agree to skip over this song. It totally freaks her out, and I can understand why. The Jack Cassidy part of the carnival barker:

Wonderful Girl Land, the island of joys,
Where good little girls pick up after the boys!
So come on in. Look about.
You go in a girl ... and you never get out!

Heck, it scares me, too.

Which brings us to

5. Atalanta. In this story, the King wants to marry off his daughter, and sets up a race where the swiftest man can marry the Princess. Atalanta agrees, but only if she can enter the race herself.

All of the potential suitors are jerks, except for Young John (Alan Alda), who turns out to be a great guy. They run the race, and in the end Atalanta and Young John tie. The King offers his daughter to Young John anyway, who humbly replies something like, "I could not possibly marry your daughter unless she wished to marry me. I have run this race for the chance to talk with Atalanta." Well, good for John.

Atalanta and John have a day-long date, find out they are perfectly compatible, and have a great time. The next day, they split up and go off to see the world separately. "Perhaps someday they'll be married, and perhaps they will not. In any case, it is certain they are both living happily ever after."

----

Well, today I feel like half of my friends are Atalanta. They went off the see the world, and when they came back they found out that "Old John" is now married to a younger woman (who is also perfectly nice, thank you), and all the other "Johns" are married also, leaving them to choose amongst that same group of jerk suitors who lost the race the first time around. Maybe it was appropriate in 1972 to tell 18-year olds to see more of the world before they got married, but the lesson is now being applied by too many 25 year olds, and they are interpreting it too mean that any compromise with a man constitutes "giving up your own identity." At least, too many 25 year olds that I knew.

I, of course, have no issues at all with women's personal choices in terms of marriage, working, kids, etc. There is nothing "second best" about voluntarily choosing a life without children. I just feel that too many of us internalized too much the "it is certain they are both living happily ever after" message, and are, in fact, not living happily ever after as a result.