How To Hypersexualize, Dismember, and then Kill a 14 Year Old Girl in Six Easy Steps (Plus -- If You Call Now -- A Free Bonus "Super-Fetish" Seventh Step!)
Courtesy of Batman/Lobo: Deadly Serious #1, which I bought because I love Lobo, and really enjoyed Batman: Secrets from the same guy. This one, I'm now thinking, might have been a mistake.
So, how to you hypersexualize, dismember, and then kill a 14 year old girl? Glad you asked.
First, find a 14 year old girl in a short Catholic-girl skirt 7.2 light-years from Earth (How far has the Catholic Church reached in the DCU?). Ideally, make her a little bit nerdy.
Second, drop her down a hole in such a way so that (a) her shirt buttons all pop open and (b) her skirt gets hiked up a good six to nine inches, revealing her ass. This is a tricky maneuver, but you can do it if you try hard enough.
Third, the pre-requisite Lesbian Kiss among two women who are not, actually -- you know -- lesbians. Bonus points for also depicting pedophilia (older woman with 14 year old girl) and involuntary, what with a gun to the girl's neck.
Fourth, in a brief moment of regret, our underaged, overexposed pseudo-lesbian must have pangs of doubt, wishing that she could find some "guys to go party with".
But, alas, our young heroine will never get attain her hopes of heterosexual redemption because, well, you can't hypersexualize, dismember, and kill without dismemberment
, so that left arm's just got to go! Trust me, in context it doesn't make any more sense why the black splotchy creature has just eaten our un-named heroine's left arm clean up to the shoulder, and then stopped. Except maybe amputee sex is one fetish we hadn't gotten to yet.
Sixth, for the grand finale, drive your motorcycle into an ammo dump, destroying all evidence of what you did. The black now-smoldering corpse is all that's left of our hyper-sexualized dismembered 14 year old.
There. Now you know how to hyper-sexualize, dismember, and the kill an anonymous 14 year old girl.
But wait! Remember how we thought that amputee-sex was the final fetish? We were wrong! Because just because you have hypersexualized, dismembered, and killed a fourteen year old girl, doesn't mean that there isn't time for just one more Pseudo-Lesbian Pedophiliac Amputee Necrophiliac
Top THAT, Larry Flynt!
Labels: Batman, Feminism, Lobo